Day 7 of being sold out of everything starts tomorrow night, and I had like one suite for  tomorrow.

I literally had a guy “talk it over” with his wife to get my last suite this weekend and that talk took so long that the suite sold online before he called me back.

PEOPLE, when your FDA tells you that we only have ONE of those rooms left AND that is one of 3 rooms in the hotel available that you can stay in without moving rooms 2-3 times during your stay and you seriously asked me for a goddamned suite on a very busy weekend, you should listen to us.

Why?

Because your child isn’t the only one of like 20,000 interested students touring COLLEGE UNIVESITY you should just reserve it instead of shouting over me while I explain that if you reserve the damn thing before you talk to your wife and that I’ll cancel if need be, for free but YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A GODDAMNED ROOM IF YOU’RE “ALLOWED TO SPEND THAT AMOUNT OF MONEY?” I don’t care what level member you are, you played yourself boy.

You want to make a sketchy reservation? Ask the FDA the cancellation policy. We don’t lie. We’ll hold your room while you decide. Just deal with the fact you have to make your mind 24 hours before your arrival. Seriously JUST CALL DIRECTLY.

I don’t like talking to callers anymore than they want to talk to me but let me break it down like this. I had a guest make reservations for two rooms for this weekend from hell that is in the pipes and someone instructed her to find another location because her online reservations came through but because “ExpedHotelMcBumblefuckHotels.Seriously” promised her a room we don’t even have… Anyway she wanted to cancel because one of my coworkers sent her to a neighboring property for only one reservation….

 

So when I go to happily let this lady off the chain and resell that room a HUGE giant notification comes up that if I cancel her reservation I’m costing her over 1k.

Ugh Ima go get a manager.

But seriously… your kids are special and all but you knew this weekend was coming. You are not first in line in front of people who planned appropriately.

And while I’m up? I don’t know fucking shit about the college. Is it a party school? Is it violent? Are there vegan options? Will my kid start doing drugs?

First of all- I don’t know. I don’t work for the fucking school and everything I know about it comes from my sister and her husband going there or working an event there. I know where five things are- parking, the UU, Admin, and two theaters and the bookstore. Bye boy bye, wait for your tour.

Second- My sister went to school there and didn’t die. Also she had her grad date well within reason for our family who are the largest bunch of procrastonators that ever walked the earth were able to make arrangements. But real talk learn to travel like adults.

Third- Holy shit, your kid wants to go to a school that is near my hotel. If your kid goes to school, you’ll most likely be staying with me often. I will literally be the person who can magic a room out of my ass when Bobby Junior the 3rd falls through a roof at a party and you need to come be here while they put a cast on his pinkie. Be nicer to me. Or at least be cordial, we have gifts for parents who aren’t shit bags. We have a mental list of those of you who are.

I was waiting for April to be over so I could worry about June, but at this rate I may join the circus before that.