how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · third party bookings · Uncategorized

vacation all I ever wanted…

Six hours until I am on vacation….

So yesterday I woke up and the sun shining, the birds chirping and was in a mood that felt like nothing could stop me. I arrived at the hotel with a smile and boy none of this lasted very long.

Apparently Tuesdays in Cambodia are the day without managers except the new one who doesn’t know how to work our system, but don’t worry she’s not there either. It’s just New Girl who Ghost Guest doesn’t care for. I like the New Girl and it’s always nice to see her face and she immediately greets me with (at 10 minutes till I even clock in) with “I thought you were going to call out sick again and leave me here.”


Turns out the last time I called in she worked with our other coworker who’s identity I’d give away if I told you what my husband calls him he was so bloody awful to her and needed to vent and also ask me how I work with this guy almost every single night. (It’s true I’m pretty much the only person he’s ever scheduled with and he can be a bit much but hey I’m just here to work.) He apparently has a gripe against every single person who works with us, myself included, save for the guy who’s about to quit and I guess said some unkind things to the New Girl to her face and spent most of their shift together going over the log book and hassling her about issues she had “caused” him and she was really pissed about it. But she also doesn’t want to take it to the man as it were and she just wanted to know if I dealt with this when I worked with him. Lordy.

Anyway she leaves and I make a mental note to write her some tips because she’s working the Psycho Shift for me tomorrow so I can go on vacation. I find out that we have a tour bus coming in and have multiple room issues. Big Suite wants to check in early and has all the right reasons and is being nice but Head of Housekeeping hasn’t gone to inspect his room yet and I ended up doing it. Room was empty, dude was happy, checked them on in.

Highest of the high level snowflake checks in and he’s actually really cool. His wife is cool. His wife’s service dog is cool. Problem is there isn’t a reservation for him. He called and talked to someone on the phone and they didn’t take his reservation down at all. He wants a suite but we’re sold out. I pull this guy’s profile up and yeah he ONLY stays with our brands. He had just come from one of our higher tier brands the night before and like he’d even gone to the land down Under with his magic rewards club beans. So because he wasn’t being a prick we got to play the “Who made their reservation through third party/isn’t actually paying for a suite and has no idea they were getting one” game,and found him a junior suite and bounced someone else down to a king room. He didn’t even ask me the price on the room, wasn’t concerned. Took my map and wasn’t even pissed this newly found suite wasn’t ready yet. Said he and the wife would go do some shopping and be back to check in after lunch.

Things go smoothly other than someone who was supposed to do a room move earlier in the morning being late to move their luggage, find out we have a group coming in that I didn’t know about and my coworker who I mentioned New Girl has a problem with is clocking in.

The phones are going psycho all day. People are trying to get rooms for this certain weekend next month that we’re so sold out for that even the Pope couldn’t get a room from me. My coworkers presidential Man Crush couldn’t get a room. We have no rooms and this is the majority of our calls, they’re explaining this to people and it doesn’t matter what level they are, we can not be bribed, we can’t be swayed with tears, etc.

When the tour bus gets there and checks in without too much fuss I know something isn’t right. I’ve checked in like 4 regular guests while the bus is getting off even having time to let a guest take a quick look at the toilets in our hell room because he and his wife and child are staying with us in a 2q regular room even though a member of his party is in a wheel chair, etc. This calm wasn’t to last.

Fun fact about South American tour bus groups, they’re fucking mad about everything when they get here. Big Box Electronics store is too far away to walk to? That’s your fault. You don’t speak whatever the fuck dialect they speak, they’re just going to interrupt you and yell louder in whatever mash up between Spanish and Portuguese they speak is. It seriously doesn’t make any more sense if you yell faster and louder.

I called them an Uber after being screamed at (like seriously I’m not even being over the top on this one) for our Big Box Electronics store not being close enough to the hotel and not being able to decipher what in the fuck they needed to go shopping for in the first fucking place. They just kept yelling “picture, picture” and gesturing to everything from a phone to a tablet, to someone’s purse to an Apple bag to another guests hat and did not want to wait an hour for a taxi cab. Finally I threw up my hands and called the tour guide.

Tour guide tells me to cancel the uber which had already arrived on my fucking credit card. Luckily I had called them previously and I went outside and the driver was kind of laughing because he had heard them shouting at me in the background and I was like “I know you have to charge me, it’s cool” and the driver was like “Nah mija I got you.” and HE cancelled the ride so that lets me off the hook.

When I get back inside the tour group now manager included are freaking the fuck out because we don’t have this random channel part of the world cup qualifiers are on. So we’re scrambling trying to find a place for them to watch the game. A light bulb goes off in my mind and I realize one of my friends who’s a pub owner is a soccer nut and I call down to their spot and another friend of mine is working so she double checks and they have this match on and is mentally ready for these international tourists to come have dinner and watch the match. I send the very noisy ungrateful people to visit my friend at her spot only to be greeted by the next few disasters

-Construction crew who’s reservation was supposed to be prepaid, it wasn’t. I let them in anyway because they’re with us for three days, and since I work today we’ll get their cc auth this morning.

-guy who I probably was the one to bounce him out of a room with a pull out couch come down and explain that my “partner” had promised him a rollaway over an hour before and hadn’t come in with it. I of course went to go get it and on the way saw someone had ripped all the weather stripping off a door some where and thrown it into the big hallway.

-Had the older couple from the other night, the ones who couldn’t sit on the bed? They came up to tell me what a horrible experience they had because now their door keys had stopped working. Of course they did, you made a one day reservation, extended after being here for four minutes and then decided that you had originally made that reservation 103 years ago when you were born. We offered you a chance to move to another room because you’re not cool with ADA rooms all of a sudden even though that’s what you reserved. Your keys stopped working because they were keyed to the reservation we received. Stop yelling. I’m sorry this is the worst experience you’ve ever had. No there isn’t a manager but me after 6pm. You’re not a magic snowflake member so I can’t buy you off with magic beans. I’m not comping your crankyassed stay. You’ve been rude as fuck since you got here and honestly I am at the point where I literally don’t care about you. I’ve made every concession in the world to try to help you “nice” elderly people out and you’re just rude. Off you go, please leave us a shitty review via messenger fox or carrier pigeon.

I am exactly, one 6 hour shift away from vacation. I can do this even though I just left that place 9 hours ago. I will have to see everyone who hated me from yesterday this morning at Breakfast but whatever, I’m off to be the best guest on the other side of the desk for the next two nights.

On the plus side I made 3 dollars taking a gentleman a shitty corkscrew on the 3rd floor. Thanks nice man.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

lions and tigers and bears… this is just Monday

I worked a swing, which is distressingly along with mornings going to be part of my rotation. (I can do any shift, I am a manager on duty, I just LOATHE mornings.) I will however do what needs to be done because we’re just 1-8 hour and a 6 hour away from my vacation. I will fucking snake a toilet, I don’t care. I have 2 1/2 days off. I seriously care not at all.

Upon arrival I see all of our arrival cards aren’t in alphabetical order and we have like 50 arrivals. Okay…. There’s a group who isn’t a group? What? What in the shit is this mess? Whatever, I have two other managers on they can help me right?


New girl goes home and we have a pretty steady stream of customers coming in early. No one sticks out until Mr I have 300000000 points shows up. He’s super nice and I get that he’s spending one of his bonus nights with us and that’s super nice too. We’re out of suites and he’s non plussed about it. Needs a microwave delivered to his room, again as much as it strains my back and I dare dream of a tip for this nonsense even though they’re only staying for one night and I know I won’t get one, I take them the microwave to their 2q. (remember I went into this room, it becomes important later)

I go back downstairs after that and look and realize “holy shit we’re out of 2Q rooms” We have singles but no more doubles. No clue as to why but do a quick call around to see who has them still and with a good soul can at least bounce people down the street to the place I worked at previous because if nothing else the Hotel Cortez has comparable rooms to ours and I can say that with a straight face.

Enter the guy who was a very top tier special snowflake who had me lug a microwave to the 3rd floor and rearrange their entire living area to accomodate such a microwave (no tip, paying on points)

TTM: Umm I don’t want to be a problem but our room smells.

Me:(I was just in there an hour ago and it didn’t smell like anything) My goodness, that’s terrible, let me see how I can..

TTM: Also the sink and bathtub are clogging

Me: (what the fuck did you and your entire family that’s crammed into that room do in the hour since I was up there and the room was completely normal) Well I do apologize (for what, seriously what the fuck did you guys do in 60 minutes) that’s my manager, this is a problem he can better solve than I can. You see sir, we do not have another room in your room type or any suites open this evening so let me get My Boss ™ and he’ll assist you.

My boss ends up moving them to a single king with a rollaway. For four people. Okay. They took their stupid microwave with them and I got to basically give these fuckers a free nights stay in rewards club magic beans, which comes out of our revenue. My boss even said the room didn’t smell. Whatever. Not my money, not my problem.

Then this other couple came in and oh lord they were sweet and it’s nice to see someone living an active life at 103 or whatever but good turkey on a bun they had some stupid requests and my co-worker and I were practically SHOUTING at them because they couldn’t hear or wouldn’t stop talking while we were trying to help them with something and they were forever calling the front desk after we checked them in wanting something or another. One was to extend an extra night which just because they reserved an ADA room they could do that but it got weirder.

Old Man: Look there is only one chair in here and that’s not okay.

(Our ADA rooms have one bed, one lounge chair, one desk chair and a bench)

Coworker: We’ll I can bring you a chair from the breakfast area but..

OM: NO GODDAMNIT I want a matching lounge chair. My wife and I sit in identical chairs at home and this won’t do. I need another lounge chair.

(Guess what we can’t legally put in that room?)

CW: Well sir I do apologize, some people make due by sitting on the bed..

OM: Who sits on the bed? This is a bunch of malarky! Also we only have one luggage rack? I need another one.

CW: I can get you the luggage rack.

OM hangs up and I offer to handle it. I go to the Closet of Requirements and get the stupid pop up luggage rack and when I get to the room OM is sitting the desk chair and they have identical suitcases that weigh virtually nothing but they’d like each suitcase on it’s own stand. Okay. So I try to pleasant while OM is harassing me about if we’d extended their stay. When I finished putting the stand up (and they we’re perfectly able to pop the first one up on their own and put a suitcase on it) I asked if there was anything else they needed help with and OL says “Well……………….can you put the other suitcase on the stand for us?”

I like old people alot. I used to have grandparents. So I go pick the identical suitcase that weighs less than my purse and put it on the stand and while I don’t want to stand there waiting for a tip but seriously some old people candy would be welcome at this point, we don’t offer any of these services, I was like “Will there be anything else I can help you with tonight?”

OM: no lock the door on your way out.


When I get back to the desk there is a granola mom screaming at my manager that she was promised a top floor room and she talked to the lady with the accent this morning (that’s not me guys) and she’d promised a top floor and this is her daughters college tour and they can’t possibly be on the ground floor and is this because they paid through…. Please just stop you crazy person. You’re on the ground floor because morning shift didn’t pre-block you when she spoke to you this morning. You are on the ground floor because we are 100% sold out of that room type and we can’t move you. I’ve bounced 10 people to other properties tonight because we don’t have any more fucking two queen rooms. Shut the fuck up and take your room. My manager finally got fed up with her and was like “Ma’am this is absolutely the only room we have left, you can either make due or make other plans.” The daughter looked like she wanted to cry and the mom said fine and they took the room.

Later when I was the only one at the desk Granola Mom came down and asked in a really shitty voice if we had hot water for tea. I said sure, let me grab my keys and a pitcher in case it needs refilled and I’ll take you over there.

I showed her where all the teas were and reminded her not to touch the hot water box things tops and topped them off and she was eyeballing the yogurt icebox which is closed and even though she was awful earlier I said “Ma’am is there something in that case you’d like?”

GM: Um… Could I get a yogurt? (She starts getting teary here.) My daughter and I… we’ve been on the road so long today and we’re both tired and hungry and this may be the last road trip I ever take with her before she goes to school…

Me: Ma’am what flavors would you like?

GM: Can I have one of each, I don’t even know what flavor she likes anymore?

She is literally crying at this point. I go into the kitchen and get them two Greek yogurts, one in each flavor, a cup of granola cereal, a banana and an apple and take it out to her.

Me: Here ma’am, let me put this on a tray and give you some spoons, okay?

And I hand her paper towel, because she’s crying and I make up her tray and throw some extra tea on it and ask her if she wants me to follow her to her room and she shakes her head and just says “Thank you”



And off she goes.

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

dear guests who i may have been short with

*from my personal notes about a week ago*

I have been fighting off the flu and a cold. This consumed most of my days off. I had to take two days off and even today I wasn’t feeling it but apparently we were soooo busy they wanted me to come in early. So I did. And was promptly met with the GM and my desk mate leaving for a getting to know you meeting. On the way to work I was starting to feel nauseated again but I figured I’d power through it and get on.

Until I got 7 check ins at once. And all the phones started ringing off the hook. And I had a Top Tier member come in that my coworker was supposed to have saved him a reservation and did not. And 10 call backs to do some of whom had been waiting over an hour. I was about to pull my hair out when I felt my stomach flip over and I knew I was going to puke.

Top Tier Member: But I am this level we always get a suite.

Me: According to this we don’t have any available.

TTM: But I am Top Tier Member and I get a suite.

Me: (internally I am literally trying not to puke on you right now I do not have time for this shit.) Sure that’s fine I’ll just bump someone else.

TTM: Also I need you to look up my membership rewards number I don’t have it out

Me:(still trying not to puke) Here let me write your name down and when the desk clears out, I’ll add it to your reservation and you’ll get your magic beans.

TTM: That cold’s really kickin’ your butt there little lady.

Me: Here’s your registration card

TTM: That’s not my rate. I am a top tier member

Me: Well I’m sorry sir that doesn’t change your rate (and I’d already given him a discount.)

TTM: well I guess that fella on the phone who didn’t make my reservation forgot to tell you I’m on the corporate rate of blah blah blah for Acme Insurance fuckheads INC

Me: (At this point I honestly don’t care) Sure, what is it

He tells me I key it and give him his keys and help the next 89 people waiting in the lobby and the minute the desk clears run and throw up.

Rest of the time I’m at the desk alone goes mostly the same. Co-Worker goes to lunch and I find out GM doesn’t know how to make reservations and just keeps transferring me all the calls. Co-worker comes back from lunch and mid conversation I excuse myself to puke.

finally after much dilberation they got my NA who I love in a strange way to come in 2 hours early to relieve my coworker and I get to go home. I wanted to call out today but I felt fine until I got up and started moving around. I have a feeling I’m going to get written up but honestly I’ve been sick since Monday and I don’t think there is a way to tell the flu to sit the fuck down so I can deal with Snowflakes.

Anyway dear guests, I apologize but I was trying not to throw up on your credit card.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

Blinky The Three Eyed Fish, Coach Bags, Car Clubs, Oh my just another Saturday night

Tonight was entertaining although not catastrophic.

We were over half full which is great, it means I have the chance to fit people into rooms that actually fit their needs and not just whatever website gave them the reservation or the actual human who reserved on their behalf set up inappropriately trying to save 3.00. (Trust me this comes into play later)

So when I roll in and find we’re not slammed to the ground I breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy watching all the people from the wedding party we have in house leave for the wedding, and make sure to tell everyone how beautiful they look. I check in many parents taking their kids to see the university, making sure to talk up our parent discount if they actually choose the university.

I actually got management approval for something that, sorry I was going to do for our rewards club members on our next we’re sold out go fuck yourself weekend. The university is having a big orientation, we’re sold out, parking is fucking dick at the college and we’re the closest to the school. We have a sister property 15 minutes south of us with actual reasonable rates so because every other hotel on my street is sold out I’ve been directing them to that spot. I’ve offered up our over sized parking lot for parents to drop their cars and either walk to the uni or take an uber from our spot. Management thought this was a fantastic idea, because duh if the kid ends up going to school there, they’ll be calling us for rooms in the fall. Plus we’re all the same brand so who gives a fuck, borrow our parking lot, we’ve got lots of parking lot. Plus the event goes in shifts so not everyone will be using it at the same time. We don’t tow, we don’t care, but we only offer it to club members when they call freaked out that they can’t get a room even though they’re special tier whatever level. I am a problem solver.

Had three Nuclear engineers come in tonight. They’re working on our local Blinky The Three Eyed Fish factory and even though they’re from  France and Russia respectively, they thought we had a rate code for their company which is a contractor for the Blinky The Three Eyed Fish factory. We did not. But hey a contractor is an employee right? So I was able to give the lads the rooms they requested at the rate they needed for their budget and they had badges and shit, so, whatever, good enough for me gents. Thanks for letting me practice my French with you.

At the same time these guys are trying to check in and I’m trying to help them out because hi, nuclear power, don’t want to glow in the dark, please fix whatever you’re here to fix… enter the luxury car club drivers.

You might ask what these guys might be. Honestly I don’t know other than they dress like a cross between Pimps and Sons of Anarchy and are fucking hilarious. And their handler had booked these two gentlemen who weren’t locals into a single king and requested “a cot” for one of them. They made jokes about cuddling and when I said “dude if you’re into that fine, but honestly I’m not going to get a rollaway for you, my manicure is already hurting” (Only because they’d been clowning with me and the French guy for a good 15 minutes by then) They actually offered to do it themselves.

I said “No two gents who spent the day driving Lambos and Austin Martins are definitely not being put in the room assigned to you” as I gestured at the elevator room that I can literally see from my desk. “No darlings tonight you’re living large… You’re… both…. getting… a bed each!” And one of them started doing the Oprah “You get a Bed! I get a bed! Everyone gets a bed!”

So I moved them out of hell and gave them a 2q which who gives a shit it was 9p and every walk in we had save for two looked at me like I grew a second head when I’d tell them the rate, so we had the space. They asked me for bar recs and gave me a card and told me to text them if my husband and I went out after I got off work.

Two older ladies from the wedding came up to the desk after I’d closed the hot tub and these gals have been nothing but awesome all the time they’ve stayed with us and asked why it was closed and I was feeling silly so I said “Because I’m keeping the riff raff out for you ladies, follow me I’ll let you in.” So I unblocked the gate, locked them in and said I’d be out at 10:50 to remind them to come in. They looked surprised but seriously how much trouble could they be? They were angels and they lost track of time and thanked me a million times.

The only weird thing I had to do today was restock towels in a room for a girl who looked like a spare Kardashian and her boyfriend. I offered just to hand them some from our stash and Faux Kimmie K said just to leave them in her room. No big deal it was close to the desk but I’m always sketch about going into people’s rooms and I asked her three times if she was okay with me personally going into their room while they were out. She said “Duh of course, that’s like your job.” Hair flip, off she goes.

So I got their towels copied a key, went in and left them on the bench by the bathroom. Holy shit that room was like a trashed instagram come to life. They’d  used all of the towels. In less than half a day. So much designer shit laying tossed every where, that I literally didn’t even go all the way inside the room. I had one foot in the hallway balancing like a crane or something to put the towels on that bench. Ain’t no way I’m going to get accused of stealing a fucking Coach bag.

I have tomorrow off. Then three more 8’s, but the last one is going to let me get off early enough to travel with my husband this week. Two different stays at two different tiers of our brand and 2 1/2 days of watching….

la la la lobby time · people on the phone · Uncategorized

It’s not always a cluster

I’ve been lacking in stories and out sick for the last few days, but this is the story of tonight…

1-I have to get this out of the way because it’s too fucking funny. We got gift boxes from Expedia today.  The contents were priceless. Expedia Beer Coozies (thanks for reminding us why we drink) and Expedia Stress Balls. Irony is there some where but I can’t make this shit up. I’ll snap a picture if any are left tomorrow night.

2-We have a pretty full house but almost everyone checked in yesterday. To put it in perspective we have a bunch of freshman and sophomore college students finishing finals this week and their parents are all chillin at the hotel waiting to take them home. That’s probably half of them. Then a wedding. Then a teachers conference. And it’s raining. Usually a shit storm stew in other words…. but wait. It was so quiet tonight I let my co-worker go home 30 minutes early because he misread the schedule and made plans. All of the wedding people were super cool, funny, sweet, left the hotel to party instead of doing in their rooms. Nary a peep from anyone, so much so I was playing travel agent for people trying to stay with us via the phone on our next fuck off we’re super fucking sold out weekend and this one group just looking for a place to crash but our rates were just too goddamned high (I really tried to magic them into a room but no dice) they were really thankful for my help.

Let some teenagers from the wedding hang out and watch tv in the breakfast room, hardly heard them at all, when I went to check the bathrooms they were just sitting on the couch watching some show (I’ll give them a remote, I don’t give a fuck,  I have seven, they always bring them back) and braiding each other’s hair. I forgot they were there honestly.

Guy from the wedding had a buddy come looking for him and was totally cool that I couldn’t give him his friends room number and asked if I could call the room. I said sure and the wife said she’ll send him down but she does not want those hooligans in her room. She was laughing and the boys all snuck out for beers and Mr Husband was like “I have my phone, I have my wallet” and I said “But do you have your room key” and he said “Yeah but can you leave me another one in case I get rowdy and leave mine somewhere?” And I did and left it with NA. Poor man went out in a t-shirt and its raining here, he just didn’t want to wake up his kids to get a jacket.

3-The kinda sad but awesome moment is we have another guest from another one of our brands and it’s the flagship brand, like she works in outer space her hotel is so cool, she’s staying with us for a funeral but she assured me it was an expected passing and wanted to talk hotels with me, little ol’ me at the front desk at almost the lowest tier of our brand for a few minutes.

Enter our fairytale/magical apartment suite. We hooked her up. I told her I’d be working tomorrow night as well so if she needed anything just to ask for me or if she wanted to come down and hang out, I’d be glad to have the company. She seemed grateful.

4- My Night Auditor doesn’t want a surprise or pizza or anything for covering for me while I was sick. He was just like “They told me you begged them not to call and wake me up. Good enough.”

So it’s not always shit soup.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time

the naked man

So we had a guest tonight that should have checked out yesterday but I guess he extended? Anyway there was a really embarrassing mix up with housekeeping today marking a couple of rooms as clean and inspected in the system when the guests were still in house.

Guess what that does in the system? It enables me to check someone into an occupied room. Pardon me I’m killing myself, brb.

Anyway one of the guests who had someone “walk in on him” this evening was the one who extended and he was cool about someone walking into his room. But why the fuck was he checked out and not extended? Shit fuck if I know it was an Expedia reservation for in the first place.

cries in Cartel while trying to solve the mystery

Whatever, we’re almost sold out and I can’t deal with having what may be an illegal guest in the hotel and I called the guy’s room over seven times and also got a noise complaint from dudes room so I finally gave up and went up and knocked on his door. Three times.

Finally he answers his door and yep, naked. Okay we don’t provide bathrobes but we have fucking towels. Fucking hang one on your dong.

Clearly dude bro isn’t coming down to settle his bill tonight. Proceeds to yell at me because he’s naked and I knocked on his door. Dude I called you 7 fucking times. Not being a dick, I just need even your name because someone checked you out enough that I was able to check someone else into your fucking room.

Anyway I cried. And I cried in front of my guests that were waiting for me while I was just trying to get this dude bros payment info and had to chase him all over the Cartel to just get screamed at like its my fault we need to be paid or like its my fault someone extended him and actually didn’t  I don’t know do that part.

Something is wrong but I’m too tired to care. I got called in to work overtime and back up my co-worker. I have three days off thanks to my family at the Cartel.

I gotta get up at like dawn tomorrow so I’ll wrap it here.

Unlike my guest who was super naked.