guest post · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

I hate morning shifts

I hate working mornings part 208427:

Guest walks up to the desk.

Me: Good morning! How can I help you?

Guest: (drops keys and a general pile of paper garbage on my desk and starts to walk off)

Me: I guess you’re checking out then! WONDERFUL! I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

Guest: (turns around and looks at me and either waves or does the begone hand flip)



Morning shift fun continues. Had some dude walk up to the desk a few minutes ago and before I could even “Hi How Can I help you?!”


Now before I continue during the morning shift, this could be a vendor, this could be a guest, I have no idea.

Me: I’m sorry sir, what are you looking for a receipt for?

Guest: My room. Are you deaf?

Me: And what room were we staying in last night sir?

Guest: My room.

Me: Yes sir I understand that, but what was the number on YOUR room?

Guest: *shouts his last name at me*

I give up at this point, this bro is rude and clearly isn’t going to do anything I ask at this point so I go the long way around and figure out what room he was in without his help. I print his receipt out and hand him one to sign.

Guest: I’m not signing anything.

Me: Yes. You. Are. Please. Sign. This. And. I. Will. Give. You. A. Copy. For. Your. Records.

Guest: (cusses a bunch under his breath) scribbles something on a piece of paper and holds his hand out for the receipt that i give him.

Guest: I can’t believe I have to sign my name, you already know my name.

Me: Thank you bye bye now.


how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · Uncategorized

But my daddy said

Last night I had this 20 year old kid check in as a walk in. He seemed nice at check in, called me ma’am and all that jazz. I sent him and his girlfriend up to a room and honestly didn’t expect to hear from them again for the night. They were on their way back to an area of my state that is currently kind of flooded so I didn’t imagine I’d get this call around 8pm, approximately 2 hours after they checked in:

Phone: Ma’am I need you to send someone up here right away, I don’t feel safe in this room.

Me: I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem, I can have someone up there in the next 3 minus…

Phone: No ma’am you’re not listening to me, I need someone to inspect every corner of this room, y’all have bed bugs.

(sidebar) the words BED BUGS are like saying any slur you can think of at a hotel. And we don’t have bed bugs by the way unless we got them in the last 28 hours since the bug man came…

Me: Okay well I’d be happy to move you to another room sir and…

Phone: Look my daddy said I need to take pictures of this whole ass room and they’ll decided what they’re going to about this.

Me: Sir I can’t do anything about having someone come up to your room if I’m on the phone….


Me: Sir, if you would just hang up the phone and come down to the lobby I can let you check out free of charge. It’s not a refund because you haven’t been charged yet. Do you want to wait for a staff member to check the room or…

Phone: My daddy said not to discuss this with you.

Me: I’ll see you in the lobby sir.

As they were only in the room two hours tops and I really wanted head of housekeeping to look at it, I went ahead and checked them out free of charge and put the room out of order. During the entire check out process Little Lord Daddy’s boy talked on his phone to college project partners, his mother who was buying him a suit and I assume Daddy.

My night time houseperson looked at the room and took video and photos.

There wasn’t any evidence of bed bugs, or bugs of any kind. Just hair, from the head of Daddy’s favorite son.

My theory is the kid had a credit card that his parents pay for and they saw the authorization and demanded the kid get out of his 160 dollar room and get his butt home to the city that’s just an hour away.

20 years old and telling me what his daddy said… Okay then. That’s not weird.

people on the phone · Uncategorized

phone calls

Me: thank you for calling blah blah blah

Phone: How much is your cheapest motel?

Me: (not knowing if he thinks he called central reservations or a real estate office) I’m sorry could you repeat that?

Phone: (in a long sarcastic rude voice) HOW MUCH IS YOUR CHEAPEST MOTEL?

Me: Are you inquiring about a room at our property in City of Pineapple?


Me: I’m sorry sir, we’re refusing service to you, no matter what you’re inquiring about. *slams down phone*

After I relay this story to my boss here was her response-

Boss: Was his name Richard? Next time tell him it’s 80 million dollars and then hang up on him.

This is why I work here. I’m still so mad that I’m shaking but I did laugh a little after she said that.

la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

That new wet dog smell

*this post is a few weeks old but considering the weather last night, I thought I’d share it here*

A few months ago the owner of our property bought a 5000 dollar Persian rug for the lobby. It’s a beautiful rug but this is a pet friendly hotel and everyone was sort of taking bets on as to how long it would take for a dog to shit or piss on the rug during the check in process. There are so many other things I can see spending 5k on for the hotel than this rug that is most likely going to get shit on, but I just work here and watch people wipe their feet on the damn thing all day, how do I know anything about what goes on in my lobby?

Last night there was a HUGE storm in our city. I’m talking buckets and buckets buckets of rain, severe wind, like the rain was insane. I got off at 11 and went home, and I found myself going outside of the apartment a few times thinking people were throwing rocks at our car or windows, it was that bad out.

Back at the Hotel though my Night Auditor had a much more interesting evening as our entire lobby began to flood around 2:45 in the morning. Water was coming in from the flower beds flooding, through the kitchen door area from more flower bed flooding, like there was a rise in the water outside that was easily ankle deep and every time the door opened more would come into our lobby, lounge and kitchen. But most importantly the lobby, home of the 5000 dollar rug was completely flooded.

This morning everyone had to help roll up the 5000 dollar Persian rug we have that weighs a ton and had to help bail out gallons of water this morning. I have never been so glad to work 3-11 in my life even though there’s a big country concert (yeehaw!) happening next door and we are incredibly full and I’m by myself tonight.

I may have been stuck on 3-11 for the last 3 1/2 months due to being short staffed and one of my coworkers taking night classes but at least I didn’t have to fuck with the rug and the wet dog smell this morning.

RIP esteemed co-workers, I loved you while you were here. #fuckthisdesk