guest post · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

I hate morning shifts

I hate working mornings part 208427:

Guest walks up to the desk.

Me: Good morning! How can I help you?

Guest: (drops keys and a general pile of paper garbage on my desk and starts to walk off)

Me: I guess you’re checking out then! WONDERFUL! I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

Guest: (turns around and looks at me and either waves or does the begone hand flip)

Me: THANK YOU BYE BYE NOW.

 

Morning shift fun continues. Had some dude walk up to the desk a few minutes ago and before I could even “Hi How Can I help you?!”

Guest: DO YOU HAVE A RECEIPT FOR ME?

Now before I continue during the morning shift, this could be a vendor, this could be a guest, I have no idea.

Me: I’m sorry sir, what are you looking for a receipt for?

Guest: My room. Are you deaf?

Me: And what room were we staying in last night sir?

Guest: My room.

Me: Yes sir I understand that, but what was the number on YOUR room?

Guest: *shouts his last name at me*

I give up at this point, this bro is rude and clearly isn’t going to do anything I ask at this point so I go the long way around and figure out what room he was in without his help. I print his receipt out and hand him one to sign.

Guest: I’m not signing anything.

Me: Yes. You. Are. Please. Sign. This. And. I. Will. Give. You. A. Copy. For. Your. Records.

Guest: (cusses a bunch under his breath) scribbles something on a piece of paper and holds his hand out for the receipt that i give him.

Guest: I can’t believe I have to sign my name, you already know my name.

Me: Thank you bye bye now.

HOW DO YOU SURVIVE ON YOUR OWN?!?!?!?

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · Uncategorized

But my daddy said

Last night I had this 20 year old kid check in as a walk in. He seemed nice at check in, called me ma’am and all that jazz. I sent him and his girlfriend up to a room and honestly didn’t expect to hear from them again for the night. They were on their way back to an area of my state that is currently kind of flooded so I didn’t imagine I’d get this call around 8pm, approximately 2 hours after they checked in:

Phone: Ma’am I need you to send someone up here right away, I don’t feel safe in this room.

Me: I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem, I can have someone up there in the next 3 minus…

Phone: No ma’am you’re not listening to me, I need someone to inspect every corner of this room, y’all have bed bugs.

(sidebar) the words BED BUGS are like saying any slur you can think of at a hotel. And we don’t have bed bugs by the way unless we got them in the last 28 hours since the bug man came…

Me: Okay well I’d be happy to move you to another room sir and…

Phone: Look my daddy said I need to take pictures of this whole ass room and they’ll decided what they’re going to about this.

Me: Sir I can’t do anything about having someone come up to your room if I’m on the phone….

Phone: MY PARENTS SAID THEY WERE GOING TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST THIS HOTEL UNLES…

Me: Sir, if you would just hang up the phone and come down to the lobby I can let you check out free of charge. It’s not a refund because you haven’t been charged yet. Do you want to wait for a staff member to check the room or…

Phone: My daddy said not to discuss this with you.

Me: I’ll see you in the lobby sir.

As they were only in the room two hours tops and I really wanted head of housekeeping to look at it, I went ahead and checked them out free of charge and put the room out of order. During the entire check out process Little Lord Daddy’s boy talked on his phone to college project partners, his mother who was buying him a suit and I assume Daddy.

My night time houseperson looked at the room and took video and photos.

There wasn’t any evidence of bed bugs, or bugs of any kind. Just hair, from the head of Daddy’s favorite son.

My theory is the kid had a credit card that his parents pay for and they saw the authorization and demanded the kid get out of his 160 dollar room and get his butt home to the city that’s just an hour away.

20 years old and telling me what his daddy said… Okay then. That’s not weird.

people on the phone · Uncategorized

phone calls

Me: thank you for calling blah blah blah

Phone: How much is your cheapest motel?

Me: (not knowing if he thinks he called central reservations or a real estate office) I’m sorry could you repeat that?

Phone: (in a long sarcastic rude voice) HOW MUCH IS YOUR CHEAPEST MOTEL?

Me: Are you inquiring about a room at our property in City of Pineapple?

Phone: JESUS ARE YOU THAT DENSE?

Me: I’m sorry sir, we’re refusing service to you, no matter what you’re inquiring about. *slams down phone*

After I relay this story to my boss here was her response-

Boss: Was his name Richard? Next time tell him it’s 80 million dollars and then hang up on him.

This is why I work here. I’m still so mad that I’m shaking but I did laugh a little after she said that.

la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

That new wet dog smell

*this post is a few weeks old but considering the weather last night, I thought I’d share it here*

A few months ago the owner of our property bought a 5000 dollar Persian rug for the lobby. It’s a beautiful rug but this is a pet friendly hotel and everyone was sort of taking bets on as to how long it would take for a dog to shit or piss on the rug during the check in process. There are so many other things I can see spending 5k on for the hotel than this rug that is most likely going to get shit on, but I just work here and watch people wipe their feet on the damn thing all day, how do I know anything about what goes on in my lobby?

Last night there was a HUGE storm in our city. I’m talking buckets and buckets buckets of rain, severe wind, like the rain was insane. I got off at 11 and went home, and I found myself going outside of the apartment a few times thinking people were throwing rocks at our car or windows, it was that bad out.

Back at the Hotel though my Night Auditor had a much more interesting evening as our entire lobby began to flood around 2:45 in the morning. Water was coming in from the flower beds flooding, through the kitchen door area from more flower bed flooding, like there was a rise in the water outside that was easily ankle deep and every time the door opened more would come into our lobby, lounge and kitchen. But most importantly the lobby, home of the 5000 dollar rug was completely flooded.

This morning everyone had to help roll up the 5000 dollar Persian rug we have that weighs a ton and had to help bail out gallons of water this morning. I have never been so glad to work 3-11 in my life even though there’s a big country concert (yeehaw!) happening next door and we are incredibly full and I’m by myself tonight.

I may have been stuck on 3-11 for the last 3 1/2 months due to being short staffed and one of my coworkers taking night classes but at least I didn’t have to fuck with the rug and the wet dog smell this morning.

RIP esteemed co-workers, I loved you while you were here. #fuckthisdesk

la la la lobby time · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

YAY IT’S TUESDAY

I can’t even wrap my mind about what happened today so here is our incident report.


INCIDENT REPORT GUEST 3XXX – 6.11.18 -6.12.18
—Do not extenddddddddd-
1 AM- He came in the lobby and said he was coming to meet up with Panda and or The Queen…said he was supose to out with Panda. He got coffee rattled off a milllion words then tried to extened. I said I was unable to do that.- NA
-3:30 am- looks like there is more than one person.
-4:30am they are not sleeping. He came in and asked if Panda was working today. I said I do not know. The extra person in the room has a Local Plate Frame. Are these people are locals? They unloaded belongings from the car then moved and parked it behind the breakfast room for no reason. The plate number is XXXXXXXXX. Its a red Escalade.
-5am the Escalade is moved again.
-6:30am came in and asked again for Panda and The Queen.
-7:10am guest is in the hot tub some how. Am waiting for THE AVENGERS to arrive to kick him out. Neither Panda or I agreed to hang out with this guest last night. Guest was annoying in lobby- is here on a cc auth- irritated Bartender as well. Probably hung out in the lobby until about 7:30p Guest mentioned he had been kicked out of a few other hotels including the Ghost Hotel. -Me
-8:13a- Spoke with the Ghost Hotel- they confirmed that this guest harassed both staff and guests while on property and they have him on the DNR. Guest has been by the desk to try to friend me on Facebook and asked to email me a poem? Asked how my night with my husband was? Have been informed that he also was annoying the breakfast staff. THE AVENGERS will come down when I inform him that he can not extend and needs to go elsewhere. Would reccomend putting this guest on the DNR. –Me
-9:00a- Guest told Houseman he kills people for a living. He works for Trump and answers only to Trump and is part of some mafia. Non Emergency Police contacted to evict guest. Guests credit card went through however. Guest was to be informed by police that he is not welcome to return to the property at any time or he would be arrested for trespassing. -Me
10:00a- Housekeeping goes into room and finds a left over backpack and glass pipe and assorted pills and what is most likely meth in room. -Me
And this was my Monday/Tuesday and Graduation hell weekend is on it’s way…..
how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time

cats, cops and vodka

It’s been a couple of weeks since this happened but this is legit one of the strangest situations at my hotel ever, and if you’ve read any of my other posts, we get some crazy stuff.

Back in March a lady checked in using a third party website. She had her kitty with her and we’re pet friendly and all is well. Most of us don’t notice her except she keeps extending her stay. One day at a time through the third party website and sometimes through her own credit card if one of us can catch her. Every time we call her to tell her it’s time to come sign a new registration card she’s on a business call or will be right down.

At first honestly we didn’t even know about the cat, the housekeeping staff busted her on the cat, so we had to start charging the pet fee. It’s not a big deal but the housekeepers should know that you have a cat in your room so they don’t let the cat out while cleaning, etc.

This woman was so nondescript though that I have no idea how long she was there before I started noticing the multiple reservations. And it’s when we noticed her things got weird.

I came in one morning to be told that the woman in 2XX’s son had died and that’s why she was staying with us. Okay this is a sad thing but not unusual, but hey I appreciate the heads up so I can be extra kind to a guest going through a hard time. Still haven’t actually seen this disembodied voice on the telephone I sort of pushed it out of my mind after calling her and reminding her of the rate for the day and that she needed to come sign her slip for the day. She stopped by at some point so I finally got a look at her and she seemed sad but nothing crazy.

The next morning is a Sunday and I go in and am getting the hotel going when what in the actual fuck there are two police cruisers and a fire truck followed by an ambulance. It’s 8 in the morning. Officer asks me where room 2XX is and explains a friend of the occupant had called for a wellness check because of some text messages the occupant had been sending them and they needed to see her. So I grabbed my master key and the fork (deadbolt tool) in case of the worst and up we went. The cops knocked first and she wouldn’t open the door for them. In a rare moment of regard for the building itself I asked them to let me knock before we went all Conan on my door or tried to jump the lock.

She saw me at the peep hole and opened the door. I said that she wasn’t in trouble these guys just wanted to talk to her and went back to the desk. They later carted her out in an ambulance and one of the officers said she was showing signs of alcohol poisoning, They’d be taking her to a local hospital and that they had fed the cat and the cat had water and the litter box had been cleaned.

Who knew you could call 911 for cat care?

She came back from the hospital at the end of my shift pretty embarrassed and I actually walked around the desk to give her a hug and give her my card in case she needed anything during the rest of her stay with us. She was sad and lonely and her son died, right? I mean we should have some compassion for our fellow man….

Except…

When I get back to work after a day off Lady With the Cat had been escorted off property by the police department. Why?

HER SON WASN’T DEAD. She’d been lying the entire time and her son had been looking for her for god knows why. I wasn’t there when the eviction occurred but they legit came in and took her, the cat, all her stuff, including all the pills and booze she had in her room and dragged her off to another property god knows where.

I only know she’s alive still because she called the hotel the next day wanting her “belongings” back.

She meant the litter box.

That room is still out of order.

personal · Uncategorized

the attempted

Over the weekend someone tried to kill themselves in my hotel. Middle aged lady checked in and gave off weird vibes. I was off work so I didn’t see her.

Apparently she did something that made the cops come and they didn’t take her away. Instead they left her with us.

I was off this weekend but someone tried to kill themselves at my hotel this weekend.

The cops came back to check on her the next night and she had already tried. There was a lot. of. fucking. blood.

She had tried to die. We had to call in the Hazmat team. We had to think in terms of bio emergencies. This woman tried to die in our hotel and we’re thinking about how many bed sheets we have to burn.

When the police came back for her wellness check and found her the paramedics came and as far as I know she’s still alive. She didn’t want to be, but maybe she does now.

I hope.