la la la lobby time · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

YAY IT’S TUESDAY

I can’t even wrap my mind about what happened today so here is our incident report.


INCIDENT REPORT GUEST 3XXX – 6.11.18 -6.12.18
—Do not extenddddddddd-
1 AM- He came in the lobby and said he was coming to meet up with Panda and or The Queen…said he was supose to out with Panda. He got coffee rattled off a milllion words then tried to extened. I said I was unable to do that.- NA
-3:30 am- looks like there is more than one person.
-4:30am they are not sleeping. He came in and asked if Panda was working today. I said I do not know. The extra person in the room has a Local Plate Frame. Are these people are locals? They unloaded belongings from the car then moved and parked it behind the breakfast room for no reason. The plate number is XXXXXXXXX. Its a red Escalade.
-5am the Escalade is moved again.
-6:30am came in and asked again for Panda and The Queen.
-7:10am guest is in the hot tub some how. Am waiting for THE AVENGERS to arrive to kick him out. Neither Panda or I agreed to hang out with this guest last night. Guest was annoying in lobby- is here on a cc auth- irritated Bartender as well. Probably hung out in the lobby until about 7:30p Guest mentioned he had been kicked out of a few other hotels including the Ghost Hotel. -Me
-8:13a- Spoke with the Ghost Hotel- they confirmed that this guest harassed both staff and guests while on property and they have him on the DNR. Guest has been by the desk to try to friend me on Facebook and asked to email me a poem? Asked how my night with my husband was? Have been informed that he also was annoying the breakfast staff. THE AVENGERS will come down when I inform him that he can not extend and needs to go elsewhere. Would reccomend putting this guest on the DNR. –Me
-9:00a- Guest told Houseman he kills people for a living. He works for Trump and answers only to Trump and is part of some mafia. Non Emergency Police contacted to evict guest. Guests credit card went through however. Guest was to be informed by police that he is not welcome to return to the property at any time or he would be arrested for trespassing. -Me
10:00a- Housekeeping goes into room and finds a left over backpack and glass pipe and assorted pills and what is most likely meth in room. -Me
And this was my Monday/Tuesday and Graduation hell weekend is on it’s way…..
how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time

cats, cops and vodka

It’s been a couple of weeks since this happened but this is legit one of the strangest situations at my hotel ever, and if you’ve read any of my other posts, we get some crazy stuff.

Back in March a lady checked in using a third party website. She had her kitty with her and we’re pet friendly and all is well. Most of us don’t notice her except she keeps extending her stay. One day at a time through the third party website and sometimes through her own credit card if one of us can catch her. Every time we call her to tell her it’s time to come sign a new registration card she’s on a business call or will be right down.

At first honestly we didn’t even know about the cat, the housekeeping staff busted her on the cat, so we had to start charging the pet fee. It’s not a big deal but the housekeepers should know that you have a cat in your room so they don’t let the cat out while cleaning, etc.

This woman was so nondescript though that I have no idea how long she was there before I started noticing the multiple reservations. And it’s when we noticed her things got weird.

I came in one morning to be told that the woman in 2XX’s son had died and that’s why she was staying with us. Okay this is a sad thing but not unusual, but hey I appreciate the heads up so I can be extra kind to a guest going through a hard time. Still haven’t actually seen this disembodied voice on the telephone I sort of pushed it out of my mind after calling her and reminding her of the rate for the day and that she needed to come sign her slip for the day. She stopped by at some point so I finally got a look at her and she seemed sad but nothing crazy.

The next morning is a Sunday and I go in and am getting the hotel going when what in the actual fuck there are two police cruisers and a fire truck followed by an ambulance. It’s 8 in the morning. Officer asks me where room 2XX is and explains a friend of the occupant had called for a wellness check because of some text messages the occupant had been sending them and they needed to see her. So I grabbed my master key and the fork (deadbolt tool) in case of the worst and up we went. The cops knocked first and she wouldn’t open the door for them. In a rare moment of regard for the building itself I asked them to let me knock before we went all Conan on my door or tried to jump the lock.

She saw me at the peep hole and opened the door. I said that she wasn’t in trouble these guys just wanted to talk to her and went back to the desk. They later carted her out in an ambulance and one of the officers said she was showing signs of alcohol poisoning, They’d be taking her to a local hospital and that they had fed the cat and the cat had water and the litter box had been cleaned.

Who knew you could call 911 for cat care?

She came back from the hospital at the end of my shift pretty embarrassed and I actually walked around the desk to give her a hug and give her my card in case she needed anything during the rest of her stay with us. She was sad and lonely and her son died, right? I mean we should have some compassion for our fellow man….

Except…

When I get back to work after a day off Lady With the Cat had been escorted off property by the police department. Why?

HER SON WASN’T DEAD. She’d been lying the entire time and her son had been looking for her for god knows why. I wasn’t there when the eviction occurred but they legit came in and took her, the cat, all her stuff, including all the pills and booze she had in her room and dragged her off to another property god knows where.

I only know she’s alive still because she called the hotel the next day wanting her “belongings” back.

She meant the litter box.

That room is still out of order.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

meet the xanax lady

So I don’t have time to write this whole story but I wanted to share with you the incident reports that built up around the Xanax lady.


Mrs Xanax in 2XX She may be having cognitive issues. She was unable to get herself to her room Thursday night. Uses mixed words in her speech that didn’t belong in the conversation. Helped her to her room. I believe she would’ve just sat outside all night.-Night Audit

Saturday morning 3;30am calls front desk saying she hasn’t been out of the room all day a wants someone to come walk her dog because she fell down. I offer to call 911 she said no…. at the sametime I was in the phone with guest in china when she called …after I finished with Mrs Liu a guest arriving today without ID. I called 2xx back but she on the phone…cant get through. Went to 2xx. The dog barks as you knock on the door. She can’t answer the door I had to come back to the lobby to get a key. Got inside she is laying on the floor in front of the TV stand. Said she cant get up and that she has been peeing on the floor all day. I told her everything will be fine I’m taking the dog out to potty. Whats the dogs name? I ask her. She forgot. then tells me Angel. I grab the dog head to the lobby and called 911. Angel the dog peed and pooped and was given water.

The fire department wanted to take her to the hospital but she declined.

They believe she is smoking Xanax atleast going through her belongings thats what they found.-NA

8:30am HK did a wellness check said guest seemed fine -Me

9:57am HK spoke to guest on the phone as guest is refusing service aside from 5 pillow cases. Janet says the guest sounds like she’s getting high again and wasn’t making a lot of sense on the phone. –Me

1:45p- HK had to let the guest back into her room, guest lost her keys and also forgot which room she was in. HK says she looked a little out of it and disheveled. Guest was at least walking her own dog –Me

2/3/18 3:30pm Guest got into her car lost control and it rolled into another guests car guest in Rm 24X. They exchanged insurance information, and Mr. Smushed Car took pictures. I authorized $275 over room and tax for any guest damages that might present themselves. Strong odor of urine coming from room 2XX . Maint. thinks damage has already been done. From what vie gathered HK feels the same way in regards to the room. –Front Desk Manager

2/3/18 5:00pm Mr. Smushed Car called police out to assist him with getting reimbursed for damages to his car. Before the officer left I insisted that Mrs Xanax rm 2XX leave on 2/4/18 (tomorrow) and told the officer we will not be extending her anymore. (To be clear Guest car is not running) The officer made it clear she is responsible for her car to be towed if she cannot get it running by tomorrow and she is not welcome here any longer . If she fails to leave by 2/4/18 she will be arrested for trespassing on private property- FDM

2/4/18 Day shift

Guest repeatedly told housekeeping and the desk she had until 5pm to get out. I informed her politely but firmly that I had strict instructions to call the police if she did not vacate her room by 12. She argued with me saying it was already noon. It was no, it was 11:15. At 11:45 I received a guest complaint that our guest in 2XX had locked her dog in the car with the windows up and the dog had been in the car for some time. I went out to check on the dog and 2XX came out and told me she was leaving. Maint. came out to meet me and had a conversation with her about how she needed to leave the grounds. She stated she had no one to pick her up and Maint. suggested she get an uber and told her that if her car wasn’t off the property by the end of the day it would be towed. I then had Maint. lock her out of her room.

Guest has wandered off somewhere with the dog but we will continue keeping an eye on her vehicle just to make sure it leaves the property and that she’s not trying to sleep in it or leaving her dog inside. –Me

4:00pm- Saw guests car was still in parking lot but it was being worked on by the guest in 2X1 who’s car she hit. Decided not to engage her and let her try to fix the car –Me

5:15pm- Guest in 2XX, her car and dog have left the property without police presence being required. I would personally blacklist her from staying with us again. -Me

la la la lobby time

can you just check out soon please

We have this older gentleman staying with us and man he complains a lot. The other day at check in he didn’t like the location of the HK we put him in and insisted he knew we had another one closer to the desk WHEN HE MADE HIS RESERVATIONS THREE WEEKS AGO.

Great homeboy, we totally aren’t going to keep any room vacant for three weeks waiting for your precious ass to arrive. You got an HK in the main building pretty close to the elevator and if you’re mad that the lobby doesn’t have any rooms right next to it, you’re staying at the wrong hotel buddy. The lobby here might as well be the basement.

Old Man has various other complaints and they’re all stupid nitpicky things that most people wouldn’t care about. Some random noises or that today isn’t bacon day at the breakfast and of course the breakfast room is too far from his room.

Also his various old man friends keep stopping by to try to see him and he’s never here and if he is here he doesn’t answer his phone. My boss made the mistake of trying to call his cell phone and now we’re this old fuck’s messenger service.

The door on his room doesn’t open fast enough. It’s hard to open because he has a cane. Blah blah blah.

Tonight he comes by the desk to check on a message my boss had left on his cell phone and when he walks up to the desk he says “So here’s a little tip for you for looking out for me.”

What?

So he takes his balled up hand and puts it over the counter to hand me something. And I’m super surprised because this guy has been a huge pain in the ass and I was shocked he’d want to tip any of us.

He drops something in my hand and when I look down it’s a wadded up receipt and an empty pack of gum he wanted me to throw away behind the desk.

I can’t wait for him to check out.

la la la lobby time · sold out! · Uncategorized

crazy cat banshee bitch lady

I worked a back to back today. Off at 11 last night and in at 8 this morning. I figured it was going to be a shit show with a bunch of fire evacuees and the Big University Winter Graduation and a wedding. I was not prepared for what I ran into.

First thing this morning I find out is so many people were extending that we had already to decide we’re sold out. We thought this would fix everything. Nope.

1-Crazy Cat Banshee Bitch lady. She came down last night and expressed to me she was thinkingabout extending her stay. I’ll be me and she’ll be CCBB.

Me: Ma’am I do suggest if you think you are going to extend, at this point I would just go ahead and do it now, and if you decide to leave in the morning I can just readjust your stay, no charge. I’ll be here in the morning.

CCBB: I must discuss this with my family. I will get back to you.

If she had a Cruella DeVille cloak she would have swooped it. Off she goes to murder puppies and never to be seen again until…

This morning CCBB comes down asking for the extensions on HER rooms. These are HER ROOMS. Lady you never came back during my shift, at least two other people have been at the desk since I walked away last night.

CCBB: THIS IS A NATIONAL FUCKING DISASTER AND YOU GAVE AWAY MY FUCKING ROOMS?

(I wish the above was a paraphrase, it’s not, it’s in my incident report.)

Me: Ma’am I will do the best I can to take care of you but several other people have also asked to extend their stays and…

CCBB: MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE. FUCK THEM. EVICT THEM. I DON’T CARE ABOUT THEM. I’LL CALL YOUR CEO WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING MANAGER. HOW IRRESPONSIBLE ARE THEY TO BE OFF DURING A NATIONAL FUCKING DISASTER?

Me: Ma’am I’m doing the best I can please lower your voice and I will keep working on moving you…

CCBB: I WANT A FREE FUCKING ROOM. I REFUSE TO PAY FOR THIS. MY INSURANCE WILL REFUSE TOO. HOW DARE YOU KICK ME OUT.

Me: MA’AM! I haven’t kicked anyone out YET. Please lower your voice and allow me a few moments to work on your stay, I will do my best but I need you to calm down.

CCBB: FINE.

She slams down a bag and walks off to yell at someone else on her phone.

The bag she slammed down apparently had a passenger.

Bag: Meow?

As we labor over figuring where to put her three rooms without displacing her elderly mother Bag keeps meowing.

Bag: Meow?

Bag: MEOW?

Bag: MEEEOOOOOWWWWW?

Bag: shits

Great so I now have cat shit in my lobby and a crazy lady.

I honestly felt for her at first. I get it, her house is on fire. But no matter how much I fucking curse, you don’t do it in my lobby. Other guests complained and I kept telling my partner, that we should let them go.

But by the power of team work we got them into two more rooms somehow and afterwards, the phone rings. It’s CCBB DEMANDING I move her luggage. Me, personally.

I am a pineapple. I wear a crown, I stand tall, I am sweet on the inside

So I grab a luggage cart and go up to the 3rd floor to be intercepted by houseman and maintenance. Maintenance is a tough looking dude but he’s nicer than hell and we all love him. He takes the cart from me and goes to deal with CCBB. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting him. I don’t care.

In the midst of all this the caretaker for the elderly mother in the group comes down and ass for directions to a pharmacy and when she got back she stopped to thank me by name for understanding she was lost and also just being so gracious and nice through everything.

Nurse: You don’t know it darling but you have a gift at reading people and anticipating their needs and you are gracious even when people are hassling you. It might not seem like much to some people but you should be proud.

And this is the only time today I cried.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · sold out! · Uncategorized

diaper lady

A very pregnant fire evacuee checked into the hotel this afternoon with her two other kids. At check in she mentioned she was due really soon and may cancel tomorrow night in order to be closer to her own doctor when she gives birth. Understandable and we tell her it’s not a problem and think we aren’t going to see her for the rest of the night.

Wrong. She comes back down a few minutes ago and says “So I think I’m cancelling tomorrow night for sure.” We tell her it’s still okay and she shuffles off and does the most bizarre thing I can think of. This was my train of thought as I saw it happen…

Please explain to me lady why when you have a perfectly good hotel room that you’re paying through the nose for, that you are changing your bare assed baby on one of my lobby chairs? It definitely wasn’t because the baby was fussy about their diaper. If I hadn’t given you THE LOOK, you would have thrown that diaper in my lobby trash can or just left it where you were changing your baby. There is a bathroom literally 10 steps from where you decided to pull your kids ass out. Or you know that room you have. Just a suggestion.

I’m not unsympathetic to pregnancy brain or fire brain or whatever but our lobby chairs can’t be the best place to whip our your kids ass and change them. Especially when the room is less than 100 feet away.

After wiping baby ass all over my lobby and almost leaving the diaper where people sit down to enjoy happy hour during the week she comes back to the desk and says “Do you have any prettier rooms?”

I don’t even know what means. She’s in a standard QQ and none of our rooms are total dogs. She has a total of two children, two adults and a baby thats renting space at Hotel De Uterus with her and we’re sold out due to the fires so the only fancier room would be too small for her since it only has one bed and honestly its the same goddamned room just with 1 king inside of it.

She then says she wants to cancel tonights room too which would have been possible like 6 hours ago when we still had housekeeping on staff. She’s free to leave but she’s still getting charged.

I realize a baby being changed on lobby furniture isn’t the end of the world but babies have these things called “blowouts” where they literally shit up their backs and how am I supposed to know this isn’t one of those situation when I see a woman dangling her baby by its feet to wipe it’s ass?

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

the roof the roof wait no the state is on fire

So my state is on fire. We are outside of the currently burning zone but that can change at any moment. We have evacuees coming in left and right because…. we’re pet friendly.

Anyway the state is on fire and people are walking up or calling me wondering what would happen if they didn’t evacuate and once they realize someone on the other end of the phone cares about them, they calm down and listen to me.

I’m not that big of a bleeding heart but half of my fucking state is on fire and I have a pet friendly hotel list ready to go if we’re too expensive. You better believe I am hustling people into rooms as fast as I can.

Thoughts and Prayers aren’t going to put this fucking fire out but I’ll be damned sure if you have to stay with me because your entire life is on fire? It’s gonna be stress free.

I can’t do much but I can at least try not to put you and your kitty by the ice machine.