Okay not really but if you want to come work with me tonight, I’ll take you.
Last night went like this:
-Come in to slammed phones and two FDAs who were also slammed and hadn’t finished their chores. Cue to me jumping in before clocking in, to help my newest FDA that the ghost has issues with.
-Big fucking storm, that’s the point of this. Big fucking Hurricane Lucifer has closed roads to the north and south and east of us so OH HEY LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKING WALK INS. It’s cool if you’ve got a head, I’ll figure out how to put it in a bed.
-Oh big fucking hurricane fuckshitup also was able to shut down a giant train full of people and goddamned OnlyFuckingTrainCompanyInAmerica IS NOT COMPING THEIR PASSENGERS ROOMS. So now I have that going on.
-Two weddings. I don’t care. I don’t make the weather. No I actually 100% don’t care that another guest is throwing up in the parking lot. It’s fucking raining, it will be gone in the morning. I literally don’t care.
-Conference room looks like someone opened the roof and let Satan himself and a smashed potato bar into it. I see this at 7pm when I’m making like the 20th jug of coffee for the lobby. We had some kind of conference in it all day and either housekeeping fucked off and didn’t clean it or the people left too late and house keeping was gone, but we have another group coming in today and guess who gets to clean the room? Whatever, I don’t care but it took an hour to do and new FDA is on short shifts so I was trying to clean as fast as possible so she could leave before she’d have to take a lunch. 17 fucking conference room tables busted down, moved by myself, linens everywhere, trash full, had to vacuum. Blah blah blah not my job, broke a nail, almost cried. Finished and let co-worker go home.
-Arrogant Snowflake from some Asian country, which is only important because I CAN’T READ CANTONESE came in and was bossy and pushy and demanding a suite and shockingly when I have 6 rooms left? They’re not a fucking suite. None of them are suites. In fact you’re going to the GhostRoom ™. Come on Ghost do me a solid. In the middle of this pushy asshole’s check in he starts shoving his phone which I can’t fucking read in my face to show me that he doesn’t all of a sudden agree with the rate and I’m only half way through checking him into his 3 rooms that aren’t suites. I discounted the last one thinking he’d shut the fuck up but no. He wanted points and a welcome gift. At this point, I honestly stopped giving a fuck and let them pick out welcome gifts. Just like fucking go away. Nope. They literally asked me to go to the pharmacy for them, to conjure a cab (yeah good luck I’ll call, the wait was over an hour) to open their beers and a bunch of other shit. Seriously Ghost I hope you’re giving these silly chaps the business tonight.
-Conference room issue again, as tomorrow it is a host for a group that is court mandated education of some kind. Some of those court ordered guests decided to stay the night with us and were in the pool after I was supposed to close it. I told them if I heard one word about them, they’d be evicted and seriously its fucking raining but whatever.
-Another guest complained about a luggage cart being in the hallway and demanded I come to get it. Okay. So I go to get it and get stuck in the ghost elevator and have to do the trick of just banging on the buttons until it moves again. Trust me it’s not science at all. You just keep hitting buttons when you’re inside and hope for the best.
-By 10:30 I think I’m home free… And then… a guest who I’m going to not explain too detailed came down and took that same luggage cart (please someone kill me by now) and came to the desk and we had A Very Special Conversation.
Guest: what are your breakfast hours
Me: tomorrow they’re 7a-10a
Guest: Well today I came down and they were closed and I’m concerned and I came down at 11am and there was no food.
Me: well on weekdays, which our kitchen does consider Friday a weekday breakfast is from 6:30-9:30.
Guest: well there wasn’t anyone here at 11am
Me: Well tomorrow there will be someone serving food from 7am until 10am.
Guest: But I am concerned and also I want you to tell them that.
Me (giving up): Okay I will pass that along.
Our guest goes all the way upstairs and comes back and tells me he left a bottle of milk in a fridge. Does not specify if it’s our kitchen fridge or my back office fridge or the fridge in his room but I just wanted to go home so I offered to go look and just brought him two milks from our kitchen and told him I couldn’t find the bottle of milk.
I say this with all the love in the world and I am not insulting the guest but he was actually mentally disabled so I just tried to make it less confusing or annoying to him and he went to bed.
-Last guest of the night was from our train problem and he was a drunk huge dude in his boxers without shoes bitching at me about getting him a rental car. I can’t fucking do that. Unless you give me a credit card. Also it’s 10:50 and the rental car place is fucking closed. Go use the internet. Also the road is closed so I don’t know how you’re getting to where ever you will be going that’s hopefully far away from me. I don’t care that you don’t like the time you’d have to wake up to catch the train from OnlyTrainCompanyinAmerica can take you there, but these are the breaks. When you are too drunk to wear pants to the lobby, stand up by the elevator OR work a stupid rental car website, I don’t have time for you. Go to bed. Please, I want to go home.
I probably forgot some stuff but this was truly the night from hell. Please God or GhostGuest fix the roads so these people can get out of my life.
I seriously couldn’t use the bathroom tonight without something exploding, ringing, getting into a fight, vomiting and I still didn’t get all the way through my checklist. I’m probably going to get fired tomorrow.