la la la lobby time · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

YAY IT’S TUESDAY

I can’t even wrap my mind about what happened today so here is our incident report.


INCIDENT REPORT GUEST 3XXX – 6.11.18 -6.12.18
—Do not extenddddddddd-
1 AM- He came in the lobby and said he was coming to meet up with Panda and or The Queen…said he was supose to out with Panda. He got coffee rattled off a milllion words then tried to extened. I said I was unable to do that.- NA
-3:30 am- looks like there is more than one person.
-4:30am they are not sleeping. He came in and asked if Panda was working today. I said I do not know. The extra person in the room has a Local Plate Frame. Are these people are locals? They unloaded belongings from the car then moved and parked it behind the breakfast room for no reason. The plate number is XXXXXXXXX. Its a red Escalade.
-5am the Escalade is moved again.
-6:30am came in and asked again for Panda and The Queen.
-7:10am guest is in the hot tub some how. Am waiting for THE AVENGERS to arrive to kick him out. Neither Panda or I agreed to hang out with this guest last night. Guest was annoying in lobby- is here on a cc auth- irritated Bartender as well. Probably hung out in the lobby until about 7:30p Guest mentioned he had been kicked out of a few other hotels including the Ghost Hotel. -Me
-8:13a- Spoke with the Ghost Hotel- they confirmed that this guest harassed both staff and guests while on property and they have him on the DNR. Guest has been by the desk to try to friend me on Facebook and asked to email me a poem? Asked how my night with my husband was? Have been informed that he also was annoying the breakfast staff. THE AVENGERS will come down when I inform him that he can not extend and needs to go elsewhere. Would reccomend putting this guest on the DNR. –Me
-9:00a- Guest told Houseman he kills people for a living. He works for Trump and answers only to Trump and is part of some mafia. Non Emergency Police contacted to evict guest. Guests credit card went through however. Guest was to be informed by police that he is not welcome to return to the property at any time or he would be arrested for trespassing. -Me
10:00a- Housekeeping goes into room and finds a left over backpack and glass pipe and assorted pills and what is most likely meth in room. -Me
And this was my Monday/Tuesday and Graduation hell weekend is on it’s way…..
how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time

cats, cops and vodka

It’s been a couple of weeks since this happened but this is legit one of the strangest situations at my hotel ever, and if you’ve read any of my other posts, we get some crazy stuff.

Back in March a lady checked in using a third party website. She had her kitty with her and we’re pet friendly and all is well. Most of us don’t notice her except she keeps extending her stay. One day at a time through the third party website and sometimes through her own credit card if one of us can catch her. Every time we call her to tell her it’s time to come sign a new registration card she’s on a business call or will be right down.

At first honestly we didn’t even know about the cat, the housekeeping staff busted her on the cat, so we had to start charging the pet fee. It’s not a big deal but the housekeepers should know that you have a cat in your room so they don’t let the cat out while cleaning, etc.

This woman was so nondescript though that I have no idea how long she was there before I started noticing the multiple reservations. And it’s when we noticed her things got weird.

I came in one morning to be told that the woman in 2XX’s son had died and that’s why she was staying with us. Okay this is a sad thing but not unusual, but hey I appreciate the heads up so I can be extra kind to a guest going through a hard time. Still haven’t actually seen this disembodied voice on the telephone I sort of pushed it out of my mind after calling her and reminding her of the rate for the day and that she needed to come sign her slip for the day. She stopped by at some point so I finally got a look at her and she seemed sad but nothing crazy.

The next morning is a Sunday and I go in and am getting the hotel going when what in the actual fuck there are two police cruisers and a fire truck followed by an ambulance. It’s 8 in the morning. Officer asks me where room 2XX is and explains a friend of the occupant had called for a wellness check because of some text messages the occupant had been sending them and they needed to see her. So I grabbed my master key and the fork (deadbolt tool) in case of the worst and up we went. The cops knocked first and she wouldn’t open the door for them. In a rare moment of regard for the building itself I asked them to let me knock before we went all Conan on my door or tried to jump the lock.

She saw me at the peep hole and opened the door. I said that she wasn’t in trouble these guys just wanted to talk to her and went back to the desk. They later carted her out in an ambulance and one of the officers said she was showing signs of alcohol poisoning, They’d be taking her to a local hospital and that they had fed the cat and the cat had water and the litter box had been cleaned.

Who knew you could call 911 for cat care?

She came back from the hospital at the end of my shift pretty embarrassed and I actually walked around the desk to give her a hug and give her my card in case she needed anything during the rest of her stay with us. She was sad and lonely and her son died, right? I mean we should have some compassion for our fellow man….

Except…

When I get back to work after a day off Lady With the Cat had been escorted off property by the police department. Why?

HER SON WASN’T DEAD. She’d been lying the entire time and her son had been looking for her for god knows why. I wasn’t there when the eviction occurred but they legit came in and took her, the cat, all her stuff, including all the pills and booze she had in her room and dragged her off to another property god knows where.

I only know she’s alive still because she called the hotel the next day wanting her “belongings” back.

She meant the litter box.

That room is still out of order.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

meet the xanax lady

So I don’t have time to write this whole story but I wanted to share with you the incident reports that built up around the Xanax lady.


Mrs Xanax in 2XX She may be having cognitive issues. She was unable to get herself to her room Thursday night. Uses mixed words in her speech that didn’t belong in the conversation. Helped her to her room. I believe she would’ve just sat outside all night.-Night Audit

Saturday morning 3;30am calls front desk saying she hasn’t been out of the room all day a wants someone to come walk her dog because she fell down. I offer to call 911 she said no…. at the sametime I was in the phone with guest in china when she called …after I finished with Mrs Liu a guest arriving today without ID. I called 2xx back but she on the phone…cant get through. Went to 2xx. The dog barks as you knock on the door. She can’t answer the door I had to come back to the lobby to get a key. Got inside she is laying on the floor in front of the TV stand. Said she cant get up and that she has been peeing on the floor all day. I told her everything will be fine I’m taking the dog out to potty. Whats the dogs name? I ask her. She forgot. then tells me Angel. I grab the dog head to the lobby and called 911. Angel the dog peed and pooped and was given water.

The fire department wanted to take her to the hospital but she declined.

They believe she is smoking Xanax atleast going through her belongings thats what they found.-NA

8:30am HK did a wellness check said guest seemed fine -Me

9:57am HK spoke to guest on the phone as guest is refusing service aside from 5 pillow cases. Janet says the guest sounds like she’s getting high again and wasn’t making a lot of sense on the phone. –Me

1:45p- HK had to let the guest back into her room, guest lost her keys and also forgot which room she was in. HK says she looked a little out of it and disheveled. Guest was at least walking her own dog –Me

2/3/18 3:30pm Guest got into her car lost control and it rolled into another guests car guest in Rm 24X. They exchanged insurance information, and Mr. Smushed Car took pictures. I authorized $275 over room and tax for any guest damages that might present themselves. Strong odor of urine coming from room 2XX . Maint. thinks damage has already been done. From what vie gathered HK feels the same way in regards to the room. –Front Desk Manager

2/3/18 5:00pm Mr. Smushed Car called police out to assist him with getting reimbursed for damages to his car. Before the officer left I insisted that Mrs Xanax rm 2XX leave on 2/4/18 (tomorrow) and told the officer we will not be extending her anymore. (To be clear Guest car is not running) The officer made it clear she is responsible for her car to be towed if she cannot get it running by tomorrow and she is not welcome here any longer . If she fails to leave by 2/4/18 she will be arrested for trespassing on private property- FDM

2/4/18 Day shift

Guest repeatedly told housekeeping and the desk she had until 5pm to get out. I informed her politely but firmly that I had strict instructions to call the police if she did not vacate her room by 12. She argued with me saying it was already noon. It was no, it was 11:15. At 11:45 I received a guest complaint that our guest in 2XX had locked her dog in the car with the windows up and the dog had been in the car for some time. I went out to check on the dog and 2XX came out and told me she was leaving. Maint. came out to meet me and had a conversation with her about how she needed to leave the grounds. She stated she had no one to pick her up and Maint. suggested she get an uber and told her that if her car wasn’t off the property by the end of the day it would be towed. I then had Maint. lock her out of her room.

Guest has wandered off somewhere with the dog but we will continue keeping an eye on her vehicle just to make sure it leaves the property and that she’s not trying to sleep in it or leaving her dog inside. –Me

4:00pm- Saw guests car was still in parking lot but it was being worked on by the guest in 2X1 who’s car she hit. Decided not to engage her and let her try to fix the car –Me

5:15pm- Guest in 2XX, her car and dog have left the property without police presence being required. I would personally blacklist her from staying with us again. -Me

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · sold out! · Uncategorized

the sketchy night of very bad not very good things

Okay I knew this weekend was going to be a Shit Show. The very big important university has some family weekend going on and the local tourist trap beach has a festival celebrating clams so all the hotels are full and the prices are higher than Snoop Dogg.

Anything to do with university and the parents coming is a ridiculous mess. Parents for some reason never book a room that’s large enough for the family and think we have this storage room full of two queen rooms that we’re just waiting to swap out because Little Becky (with the good hair) MIIIIIIGHT want to spend the night with her parents this weekend. (Spoiler alert, she does not.)

Tonight’s cast of looloo’s was wide and varied but a few stuck out. Let’s meet the contestants shall we?

1-Visiting us all the way from a big ass wildfire, we have EVACUEE WOMAN. My heart goes out to her it does. It’s not her fault her city burnt down or that she has medical problems or that her insurance company sucks at doing paperwork. What is her fault is not stating at check in that someone else was paying for her room leading to her being sour. Then dramatic when she recounted all the horrors she’s experienced and then her suddenly thrusting a cell phone into my face and my manager’s face when she located an insurance agent. Then she immediately turned her nose up at the room I had chosen for her BECAUSE OF HER FUCKING MEDICAL PROBLEMS AND THE HUGE AMOUNT OF LUGGAGE SHE HAS WITH HER, where she can IDK use the elevator to access her room. The reason she doesn’t want the room? She doesn’t like the view.

She wants to look at nature. But she can’t climb stairs.

Okay…. Y’all on a weekend like this one, I can’t just go yep lady not paying for your room and paying disaster victims rates you get the nicest room possible. Let me just throw out these people paying over 300 dollars a night so you can look at… well shit I don’t know what you’re going to look at WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A STRIP MALL AREA, TWIT.

She then went to her room and called down and threatened to switch hotels because her TV didn’t come on right away. Great, fine, go to another hotel! Maybe they have some nature for you to look at. We have a pancake house and a mountain. Whatever.

2-Crazy assed lady on the bench. We have some guests staying with us at the moment that don’t look like the can afford the price of admission, but the hell do I know, ya know? So the first three times I saw Crazy Assed Lady on the Bench, I thought, “well here’s a woman smoking cigarettes and talking on her Bluetooth. She was definitely having a conversation with someone, even that person was Elvis. Three hours later she was still out there… probably time to call the cops.

3-Bitchy Bike Babe had us move her room assignment a million times to make sure they could see their bikes. BBB also didn’t want to stay in a 2 Q in the Dungeon Hallway which is where I put all the bikers because they literally can sit on the balcony and stare at their bikes. She was just rude and off putting though. Finally we made her and her husband happy enough they went to get a luggage cart to abuse and yell at. Sorry luggage cart, but it’s better you than me.

4-Sketchy Bitch Lady. SBL was by far my favorite. She was insane from the get go. She was standing like 3 feet from the desk bellowing her reservation information and proceeded to ask for a “newer room” and telling me her room THE LAST TIME SHE STAYED THERE “was sketchy and she wasn’t happy.” Great so unhappy that I am standing here talking to her. Awesome. She requests a pool view and she paid for a standard. Nope. Just be glad I don’t want to talk to you ever ever again or you’d be sleeping next to the ice machine. Please take your keys and go. Nope, she called down again about breakfast, wifi and pool hours and generally everything I was telling her while she was whining about not getting a pool view.

If you want a pool view, book a goddamned pool view. If you can’t afford the 10 dollar upgrade fee, don’t be an asshole straight after walking in the door, I  may hook a sis up but not when you act like a turd monster on arrival. Bye Girl Bye.

Then she had her daughter call down and demand more hair products. Sure, I wear my fitbit to work for a reason. Here’s your soap lady in an entirely different building on the third floor.

Some of the other funny guests included: Guy who was so smashed that he was falling asleep on the desk when his wife was checking him in. Wife had to resort to calling him like a puppy to get him to follow her to their room. She shrugged and was like “Men, amirite?”

The funny French family who loved my usual line of “I speak French like a trashcan.”

The guy who almost caused a 5 car accident coming into our parking lot who also had a yappy little dog of some sort with him and looked at  me like I grew a second head when I handed him a pet policy.

Tour Bus driver who insisted I give her a walk in rate of under 200 dollars. Nope.

The really nice man who wanted to go get Starbucks for us. We didn’t want him to though because…

WHAT THE FUCK CITY OF PINEAPPLE? Y’all are ripping up the road in front of my hotel which okay cool but the trucks honking constantly and the closing of the lanes has some of these people who were throwing out 350 dollars a night kinda pissed off. I don’t know who decided one of the busiest weekends of the fall was the best time for this, but I’d like to mildly inconvenience them in some passive aggressive manner.

Too Long; Didn’t read: I hate Parents Weekend.