how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time

cats, cops and vodka

It’s been a couple of weeks since this happened but this is legit one of the strangest situations at my hotel ever, and if you’ve read any of my other posts, we get some crazy stuff.

Back in March a lady checked in using a third party website. She had her kitty with her and we’re pet friendly and all is well. Most of us don’t notice her except she keeps extending her stay. One day at a time through the third party website and sometimes through her own credit card if one of us can catch her. Every time we call her to tell her it’s time to come sign a new registration card she’s on a business call or will be right down.

At first honestly we didn’t even know about the cat, the housekeeping staff busted her on the cat, so we had to start charging the pet fee. It’s not a big deal but the housekeepers should know that you have a cat in your room so they don’t let the cat out while cleaning, etc.

This woman was so nondescript though that I have no idea how long she was there before I started noticing the multiple reservations. And it’s when we noticed her things got weird.

I came in one morning to be told that the woman in 2XX’s son had died and that’s why she was staying with us. Okay this is a sad thing but not unusual, but hey I appreciate the heads up so I can be extra kind to a guest going through a hard time. Still haven’t actually seen this disembodied voice on the telephone I sort of pushed it out of my mind after calling her and reminding her of the rate for the day and that she needed to come sign her slip for the day. She stopped by at some point so I finally got a look at her and she seemed sad but nothing crazy.

The next morning is a Sunday and I go in and am getting the hotel going when what in the actual fuck there are two police cruisers and a fire truck followed by an ambulance. It’s 8 in the morning. Officer asks me where room 2XX is and explains a friend of the occupant had called for a wellness check because of some text messages the occupant had been sending them and they needed to see her. So I grabbed my master key and the fork (deadbolt tool) in case of the worst and up we went. The cops knocked first and she wouldn’t open the door for them. In a rare moment of regard for the building itself I asked them to let me knock before we went all Conan on my door or tried to jump the lock.

She saw me at the peep hole and opened the door. I said that she wasn’t in trouble these guys just wanted to talk to her and went back to the desk. They later carted her out in an ambulance and one of the officers said she was showing signs of alcohol poisoning, They’d be taking her to a local hospital and that they had fed the cat and the cat had water and the litter box had been cleaned.

Who knew you could call 911 for cat care?

She came back from the hospital at the end of my shift pretty embarrassed and I actually walked around the desk to give her a hug and give her my card in case she needed anything during the rest of her stay with us. She was sad and lonely and her son died, right? I mean we should have some compassion for our fellow man….

Except…

When I get back to work after a day off Lady With the Cat had been escorted off property by the police department. Why?

HER SON WASN’T DEAD. She’d been lying the entire time and her son had been looking for her for god knows why. I wasn’t there when the eviction occurred but they legit came in and took her, the cat, all her stuff, including all the pills and booze she had in her room and dragged her off to another property god knows where.

I only know she’s alive still because she called the hotel the next day wanting her “belongings” back.

She meant the litter box.

That room is still out of order.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

meet the xanax lady

So I don’t have time to write this whole story but I wanted to share with you the incident reports that built up around the Xanax lady.


Mrs Xanax in 2XX She may be having cognitive issues. She was unable to get herself to her room Thursday night. Uses mixed words in her speech that didn’t belong in the conversation. Helped her to her room. I believe she would’ve just sat outside all night.-Night Audit

Saturday morning 3;30am calls front desk saying she hasn’t been out of the room all day a wants someone to come walk her dog because she fell down. I offer to call 911 she said no…. at the sametime I was in the phone with guest in china when she called …after I finished with Mrs Liu a guest arriving today without ID. I called 2xx back but she on the phone…cant get through. Went to 2xx. The dog barks as you knock on the door. She can’t answer the door I had to come back to the lobby to get a key. Got inside she is laying on the floor in front of the TV stand. Said she cant get up and that she has been peeing on the floor all day. I told her everything will be fine I’m taking the dog out to potty. Whats the dogs name? I ask her. She forgot. then tells me Angel. I grab the dog head to the lobby and called 911. Angel the dog peed and pooped and was given water.

The fire department wanted to take her to the hospital but she declined.

They believe she is smoking Xanax atleast going through her belongings thats what they found.-NA

8:30am HK did a wellness check said guest seemed fine -Me

9:57am HK spoke to guest on the phone as guest is refusing service aside from 5 pillow cases. Janet says the guest sounds like she’s getting high again and wasn’t making a lot of sense on the phone. –Me

1:45p- HK had to let the guest back into her room, guest lost her keys and also forgot which room she was in. HK says she looked a little out of it and disheveled. Guest was at least walking her own dog –Me

2/3/18 3:30pm Guest got into her car lost control and it rolled into another guests car guest in Rm 24X. They exchanged insurance information, and Mr. Smushed Car took pictures. I authorized $275 over room and tax for any guest damages that might present themselves. Strong odor of urine coming from room 2XX . Maint. thinks damage has already been done. From what vie gathered HK feels the same way in regards to the room. –Front Desk Manager

2/3/18 5:00pm Mr. Smushed Car called police out to assist him with getting reimbursed for damages to his car. Before the officer left I insisted that Mrs Xanax rm 2XX leave on 2/4/18 (tomorrow) and told the officer we will not be extending her anymore. (To be clear Guest car is not running) The officer made it clear she is responsible for her car to be towed if she cannot get it running by tomorrow and she is not welcome here any longer . If she fails to leave by 2/4/18 she will be arrested for trespassing on private property- FDM

2/4/18 Day shift

Guest repeatedly told housekeeping and the desk she had until 5pm to get out. I informed her politely but firmly that I had strict instructions to call the police if she did not vacate her room by 12. She argued with me saying it was already noon. It was no, it was 11:15. At 11:45 I received a guest complaint that our guest in 2XX had locked her dog in the car with the windows up and the dog had been in the car for some time. I went out to check on the dog and 2XX came out and told me she was leaving. Maint. came out to meet me and had a conversation with her about how she needed to leave the grounds. She stated she had no one to pick her up and Maint. suggested she get an uber and told her that if her car wasn’t off the property by the end of the day it would be towed. I then had Maint. lock her out of her room.

Guest has wandered off somewhere with the dog but we will continue keeping an eye on her vehicle just to make sure it leaves the property and that she’s not trying to sleep in it or leaving her dog inside. –Me

4:00pm- Saw guests car was still in parking lot but it was being worked on by the guest in 2X1 who’s car she hit. Decided not to engage her and let her try to fix the car –Me

5:15pm- Guest in 2XX, her car and dog have left the property without police presence being required. I would personally blacklist her from staying with us again. -Me

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · sold out! · Uncategorized

drunky mcpukey man

So last night I finish my 3-11 and I’m chilling in the lobby talking to NA while I wait for my husband to pick me up when a car rolls up and my NA and I look at each other and go “be an uber, be an uber” because hey it’s 11 and we’re sold out and everyone was already in house.

Be careful what you wish for.

The Uber driver gets out and she’s a small college girl and I see her go around to the back and start trying to rouse a lump in the back seat. I look at NA and I’m like “This is going to be a problem.”

Girl finally gets dude in the back out and he immediately starts stumbling like he’s got vertigo and when I see him start to go down I just ran outside. Luckily he landed on his hands and was only spitting on my driveway. I tell the driver that I work at the hotel and will take care of him from there.

Drunky bounces back up and starts stumbling around and almost hits the dirt again and I catch him. I’m 5’2″ and 115 pounds and this dude is old enough to be someone’s dad and is around 6’4″. I start trying to guide him towards the lobby to sit down while trying to see if he can remember what room he’s in when he takes off running again and starts throwing up in our flowerbed.

He finally empties himself out and sits down on the curb but he’s starting to fall over. So I open the side door to our lobby and yell for my partner to come out and help me because if this guy passes out on the sidewalk I’m not going to be able to wake this dude again by myself.

We get a last name out of Drunky and I ran in and looked up the last name and call that room.

Me: Hello Mrs McGuest this is the hotel front desk, are you missing any one from your party?

Guest: Well no

Me: Oh I apologize then, there is a gentleman in our lobby who claims to belong to you and…

Guest: Oh for fucks sake is Drunky down there wasted in the lobby again?

Me: He’s definitely in need of assistance.

Guest: Oh goddamnit. Okay I’ll send Bob down to get him.

I went outside and told Mr Drunky I’d be standing with him until his friend arrived and after a bit, Bob showed up to get his friend up to their room and thanked me for watching his friend and not calling the cops.

As I was walking off to get in the truck and go home as my husband had been waiting for 20 minutes for me to go home, I hear Bob say “Jesus Christ Drunky I just left you three hours ago and you were fine.”

Drunky: Fuck you man 3 hours iz alzzotof shotzzzzz

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time

the naked man

So we had a guest tonight that should have checked out yesterday but I guess he extended? Anyway there was a really embarrassing mix up with housekeeping today marking a couple of rooms as clean and inspected in the system when the guests were still in house.

Guess what that does in the system? It enables me to check someone into an occupied room. Pardon me I’m killing myself, brb.

Anyway one of the guests who had someone “walk in on him” this evening was the one who extended and he was cool about someone walking into his room. But why the fuck was he checked out and not extended? Shit fuck if I know it was an Expedia reservation for in the first place.

cries in Cartel while trying to solve the mystery

Whatever, we’re almost sold out and I can’t deal with having what may be an illegal guest in the hotel and I called the guy’s room over seven times and also got a noise complaint from dudes room so I finally gave up and went up and knocked on his door. Three times.

Finally he answers his door and yep, naked. Okay we don’t provide bathrobes but we have fucking towels. Fucking hang one on your dong.

Clearly dude bro isn’t coming down to settle his bill tonight. Proceeds to yell at me because he’s naked and I knocked on his door. Dude I called you 7 fucking times. Not being a dick, I just need even your name because someone checked you out enough that I was able to check someone else into your fucking room.

Anyway I cried. And I cried in front of my guests that were waiting for me while I was just trying to get this dude bros payment info and had to chase him all over the Cartel to just get screamed at like its my fault we need to be paid or like its my fault someone extended him and actually didn’t  I don’t know do that part.

Something is wrong but I’m too tired to care. I got called in to work overtime and back up my co-worker. I have three days off thanks to my family at the Cartel.

I gotta get up at like dawn tomorrow so I’ll wrap it here.

Unlike my guest who was super naked.

how do you survive on your own · Uncategorized

The 100 dollar tip

So when I worked for an independent property I had some guests come in that were interesting to say the least. At first it seemed like grandparents taking their grandson to see our near by university but it got weirder and weirder.

Grandmother and grandson… check that was correct.

Trump family rich…. check

Male companion, I have zero clue to this day as to what his relation to the family was. It varied as the day went on.

Around 9am when the lady guest and her grandson left to see the campus the gentleman came down and asked me where he could get a beer at 9am in our little town and I started into the song and dance about how the pubs that served food and booze opened at 11am.

“MobBoss I just want to go to a bar with alcohol that is open.”

So I told him the local pub opened at 8 am and called him a cab.

I called down to the pub and let them know and Questionable man strolled in and bought drinks for everyone. He also tipped my friend working a 50 spot.

When the man comes back to my hotel he’s 8 sheets to the wind and asks me to hire a limo for him and the woman he checked in with to go back to the city they came from. He also sends me to the store to purchase a shit ton of wine. Okay.

I did all of this and baked them some extra hotel cookies and even defused a fight between himself and his lady, she was mad about the limo but hey I know people and got them a huge discount because it was a friend of mine driving them home. His tip wasn’t small but… When I handed the drunk gentleman a plate of cookies, a wine opener and two glasses he shook my hand and gave me a 100 dollars.

Not joking. I thought it was a 10 at first but it’s rude to look at you tips before the guest leaves and a 10 would have been fine. But when I went on my ten and I saw it was 100 I squealed. I lived off that cash for a week.

I’ll never know what was going on in that family but bless their hearts to the moon and back.