how do you survive on your own · people on the phone · sold out! · Uncategorized · weddings can eat a bag of whatever is handy

What a beautiful wedding said the bridesmaid to the waiter…

I worked opening shift this morning and knew we had some weddings in the house but nothing prepared me for the bucket of wedding crazy I got from a guest in our 4th floor section today…

About an hour after check out on our property the house line rang and it was room 4XX. I’ll be me and the lunatic I spoke to will be Crazy Wedding Lady.

Me: Thank you for calling the front desk, this is (ME) how can I help you?

CWL: EXCUSE ME BUT OUR ROOM HASN’T BEEN CLEANED YET. DON’T YOU THINK IT’S KIND OF LATE?

Me: Sorry to hear that ma’am, but it is only 1 hour after our designated check out time, so they may not have gotten to your room yet.

CWL: DON’T YOU THINK IT’S KIND OF LATE?

Me: Check out is at noon here ma’am and it is now 1:00p.

CWL: Well I want my room cleaned now.

Me: Okay ma’am I’ll notify housekeeping.

So I pick up the radio and call housekeeping and think that’s the end of that but no CWL called back down in less than five minutes.

CWL: MY ROOM STILL HASN’T BEEN CLEANED. I THINK THIS IS REALLY LATE AND THERE ISN’T EVEN A MAID ON MY FLOOR YET. THIS IS REALLY LATE AND MY ROOM HASN’T BEEN CLEANED THIS IS RIDICULOUS IT’S ALMOST 2PM!

it was not almost 2pm. Try 1:05pm

Me: I have alerted HOUSEKEEPING to your concern and I am sure some one will be along soon.

CWL: I JUST THINK THIS IS REALLY LATE.

Me: Someone will be up shortly.

CWL: BUT I HAVE TO GO TO A WEDDING. HOW WILL I GO TO THE WEDDING IF MY ROOM ISN’T CLEAN?

I have no earthly idea what one has to do with the other but I digress…

A few minutes later the phone rings again and my partner answers and gets the other guest in CWL’s room. We’ll call him Crazy Wedding Man.

CWM: This is ABSURD. I CAN’T GET READY FOR MY WEDDING BECAUSE THIS ROOM HASN’T BEEN CLEANED!

Partner: Sir this is because you are a stay over guest and we do not clean the rooms of stay over guests while they are still in the room. A housekeeper is on their way with clean towels and we will make up your room when you are gone for the day.

CWM: BUT I CAN’T GET READY IF MY ROOM HASN’T BEEN CLEANED. AND I DID LEAVE THE ROOM FOR AWHILE TODAY.

Partner: Oh?

CWM: Yes I stepped out for THIRTY MINUTES AT AROUND 8 THIS MORNING.

Our housekeeping comes in around 9 or 10 Partner explains this and the man on the phone is wailing “HOW WILL I GET READY FOR MY WEDDING IF THE ROOM HASN’T BEEN CLEANED?”

I don’t know do you clean your own home top to bottom before you do anything every day? What the fuck did you do to your room that you slept in last night that makes it too vile to get ready in?

Then their wifi wouldn’t work and so of course this is also keeping them from getting ready for the wedding.

For the rest of the day whenever something wasn’t working properly or fast enough we just would look at each other and say “Oh (Maintanence) isn’t back from the dump run yet? It’s because 4XX’s room isn’t clean yet. He can’t come back until it’s clean”

“Printers jammed because 4XX’s room isn’t cleaned yet.”

“I can’t go over to the breakfast room and get plastic forks for another room because 4XX’s room isn’t clean yet.”

“How will I get ready to go home if 4XX’s room hasn’t been cleaned yet?”

I wonder how much of their stay they will want discounted for this tragedy..

people on the phone · Uncategorized · weddings can eat a bag of whatever is handy

I’m not paying for that

Last night the in house phone rings and it was an elderly couple that I had just checked in after a wedding. I’ll be me and he’ll be Old Guy.

Me: Hello how can I help you

Old Guy: Hey there’s a goddamned roll away cot in this room and I wanna know who ordered it, there aren’t three goddamned people in here.

Me: Oh I’m so sorry sir, I can send someone to come and take it out of there, that’s unacceptable.

Pause, I know that the rollaway was for the guest the night before because I remember them requesting it and I don’t know why the HK didn’t roll it out after cleaning the room, but we’re down two HKs and I already had another group from this wedding come down and complain their room hadn’t been cleaned or even had stay over service

OG: I don’t want any more goddamned people in this room. Are you making someone else from the wedding stay in our room?

Me: No sir, it was simply a mistake, my houseman can come up and take the rollaway out of your room if you’d like.

OG: No but I ain’t paying for that goddamned thing, you hear?

Me: Yes sir, have a good night.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized · weddings can eat a bag of whatever is handy

why I hate wedding parties.

Just got off the “how bad are we fucking up” website and someone is raging about a “downgrade” they requested.

Let me explain. We had two weddings in house that weekend and of course that means people want into their rooms early to change for the wedding…

Two things when you’re traveling for a wedding, seriously this is going to help you out…

1-If you insist on having a suite, fuck it, go whole hog and book for the night before you need to be there. Stay three days. Many locations only have X amount of these rooms. They’re not going to be cleaned first ┬ábecause someone just as “entitled” as you are will request a fucking late check out or just not want to give up their suite 5 hours before check in so you can get in there. Real talk no other hotel guest gives a fuck about what time you want your room. They’ll leave when they leave.

2-DON’T REQUEST A “DOWNGRADE” WHEN YOUR IDIOT ASS ALREADY PAID FOR THE ROOM THROUGH A THIRD FUCKING PARTY WEBSITE. I CAN’T GIVE YOU A GODDAMNED REFUND OR PRICE ADJUSTMENT IF YOU FUCKING PAID UPFRONT ON A FUCKING NON REFUNDABLE THIRD PARTY RESERVATION, SUCK A BAG OF WHATEVER ITEMS ARE HANDY. Seriously PAY FUCKING ATTENTION WHEN YOU’RE MAKING A RESERVATION.

Don’t come storming into a hotel and expect us to give you a room to get ready in because you’re going to a fucking wedding. I don’t care if you’re going to the President’s house or the Pope’s house, if you room isn’t ready because you didn’t make reservations in the way that the wedding party most likely suggested you do. If you have to be at a wedding at fucking noon, come in the night before. I have to go to a funeral this week and I’ll be either getting ready in a gas station or my car because I have to work at until Night Audit comes in tomorrow night but you’d better believe my ass isn’t arrogant enough to believe my room will be ready on a Friday before fucking three.

People are so rude. I’m so over the reviews and I don’t know why I read them. I know which rooms have gaps in the door that let light in, we’re fucking fixing them. I know which rooms aren’t the most pleasant noise wise. I know. You probably wouldn’t be in any of those rooms if we weren’t sold the fuck out from here till eternity or if you weren’t an obnoxious dickhole garbage person when you checked in.

Don’t earn yourself the asshole room guys. Plan appropriately for your trips and just stop waiting until you leave to report your problems. The front desk manager or myself or anyone else didn’t lie to you that they thought your reservation could be adjusted because you bitched your way into someone else’s room by wanting to check in early. Whom ever lied to you probably didn’t notice you were booked through a third party and also probably thought you’d just be grateful for an early check in. Suck our collective random assortment of genitals.

tl:dr- I hate wedding parties.