la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

the roof the roof wait no the state is on fire

So my state is on fire. We are outside of the currently burning zone but that can change at any moment. We have evacuees coming in left and right because…. we’re pet friendly.

Anyway the state is on fire and people are walking up or calling me wondering what would happen if they didn’t evacuate and once they realize someone on the other end of the phone cares about them, they calm down and listen to me.

I’m not that big of a bleeding heart but half of my fucking state is on fire and I have a pet friendly hotel list ready to go if we’re too expensive. You better believe I am hustling people into rooms as fast as I can.

Thoughts and Prayers aren’t going to put this fucking fire out but I’ll be damned sure if you have to stay with me because your entire life is on fire? It’s gonna be stress free.

I can’t do much but I can at least try not to put you and your kitty by the ice machine.

people on the phone · personal · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

desk to desk, heart to heart

I am a bad FDA. I forgot to call the desk at the hotel we’re staying at tonight until this morning.

Back story, I have a segmented reservation. I didn’t intend to go to my destination until tomorrow but then I realized I could get a room at my rate tonight to reduce some traveling stress for my husband so we have two reservations.

I called down to 4 star Airport Hotel this morning and got a lovely lady we’ll call Cathy on the phone.

Cathy: Thank You for calling 4 Star Airport Hotel!

Me: Hi Cathy are you the desk at the hotel or central reservations because I am super stupid and forgot to call until today to give a heads up about my reservation.

Cathy cracks up already and assures me she is at the desk in 4 Star Airport Hotel. I have always liked the people at 4 Star Airport Hotels which is why I always stay at them when I travel.

Me: So I have a segmented reservation and I just wanted to let you know we can stay in the same room both nights if its possible, if not move us. We’ll stay in the handicapped room, the one with a view of a wall, next to the elevator, we absolutely don’t care, put us in the broom closet.

By this time Cathy is laughing too hard and then says “Don’t tempt me I’ve always wanted to throw a roll away into the closet and tell people it’s a room.”

And now I’m laughing my ass off and also apologizing for not calling sooner and of course letting her know we won’t be early and that we actually do not care which room we get.

Cathy says quite seriously “No seriously thank you for giving us a call. I see your two reservations here and I’ll do my best not to put you somewhere shitty. OOps. wait I shouldn’t have said that but you sound like one of us.”

Me: I am. And I hope I get to meet you this weekend. Thanks lady.

There you go. A happy tale from the desk.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · personal · sold out! · Uncategorized

okay go home Thursday, you’re drunk

I don’t know what the fuck was in the water today but everyone was more batshit crazy than normal.

I had an over sell on certain rooms but not to worry we fixed that bullshit really quick. But everyone on the phone and almost everyone who came through the lobby was just INSANE.

I made reservations with this one bucket of fucking crazy last night. She’s staying with us on a state rate so she’s already getting hooked the fuck up. We’re supposed to take copies of the ID’s for the state rate. So in this story I’ll be me, my coworker will be Adorable Coworker and Crazy Fucking Tax Lady will be… you get the idea.

Me: Ma’am I need to see your government ID

CFTL: okay here you go.

Me: Great Ma’am so I will now need to make a photo copy of this government issued ID to put on file so you can get the rate.


No shit Sherlock, this is why I need to take a fucking copy of this dog shit. It’s not because I want to go fight the fucking ancient copy machine that hisses and boos at me when I walk past it, much less ask it to do it’s stupid job.

Me: Oh Umm okay…

ACW: Ma’am we actually really do need the copy of your ID.


Me: it’s fine. I don’t care anymore. If I get fired, I get fired.

CTL: Well. I can give you a business card.

ACW: It’s not the same thing.

Me: I don’t care. Here are your keys ma’am (and I paraphrase the rest of this) breakfast is over yonder please be eaten by Dr Fuckhead on the way to your room. Have a lovely day you crazy fucking bitch.

Fast forward to about 20 minutes later CTL is back at the desk complaining she doesn’t feel safe in her room. Her original room was literally 3 doors over from the “owners room” like she couldn’t be safer unless she just fucked off and didn’t bother us at all tonight. So we moved her. And then that room had this air conditioner that was too complicated to deal with even though its the same fucking AC we have in every room. So she wanted to move again. Bitch went through like three rooms. She even had my born again FDM pissed off and he was starting to get HEATED and he never does that. She was batshit crazy.

But now for the good stuff of the evening:

-Had a LOVELY COUPLE FROM SWEDEN that enjoyed joking with me. They were just happy to see a happy face. Total sweethearts. I wish there were 99 more rooms full of this couple because even with voucher travel they were a breeze.

-Had a bus come in tonight. It was literally the easiest bus ever. Without going into too much detail, they are part of some reality show / documentary. Their producers checked everyone in and did their own porterage and were just so nice. Like I wanted to help them with shit and they were all “nah just can we decide which rooms are ours?I want to be as far away from these fuckers as possible.” so I handed them all the keys and let them do their thing. They thanked me every time they went by the desk. I was shocked.

-One of my regulars ran into me at lunch and bought my lunch. We shot the shit about the hotel and he said I’m his favorite. It was just good fortune that the only empty seat in the place I was having lunch was next to this guy who I see every Monday and Thursday from here to eternity. He’s cool and such an easy check in. It was really nice of him to buy my lunch.

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

this is the story of a girl, who got a cold (cameo by one of my husbands co-workers)

I’m sick. I literally have my annual cold and there isn’t much I can do about it but take OTC drugs and try not to cry. I’ve already been called in once this week on my day off and our cable is broken, the internet is fucking up all over the place.

But… I had fun speaking French tonight and my French guests who are in general a pain tonight were not. They really had a good time talking to me and said my French wasn’t very bad at all. It wasn’t “Merde!” as I told them it was. So that was nice.

My husband came by to bring me more cold meds at one point which was funny because I checked in one of his coworkers tonight. I’ll be me and he’ll be Coworker Bro. This is half way through the check in…

Me: (noticing the hat the guy is wearing) Do you work for husbands company? My husband works there

CB: I do are you Bert or Ernie’s wife?

Me: Um Neither. I’m married to the *husbands name*

CB: Oh that’s right! We went out to dinner with Bert and Ernie last night. Husband  mentioned you though.

Me: Oh? (as I’m making keys)

CB: Yeah he said you worked somewhere.

I upgraded CB to a nicer room, it wasn’t quite the presidential suite but like we say when we travel on one of our companies dimes… “fuck it”

I hope I feel better tomorrow. I’m useless when my head is this stuffed up.

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

pineapples unite!

So I finally got to see a friend of mine who’s family stayed with us these past few days for a wedding. They were model wedding party guests and seriously if you knew my friend who manages the local bar I hang out at, you’d expect nothing less but despite knowing my friend for over 10 years, I haven’t had the opportunity to meet his out of state family members.

Anyway today is my day off and I got to go in to the bar and say hi to a few people and my friend was coming on shift when I was leaving and apparently the family had nothing but nice things to say about me and by god that makes me feel awesome because when they were checking in, I wasn’t sure that they were related and was already trying to go out of my way for them because they were just so darn nice. But I guess they noticed I was nice too?

I don’t know it’s better than a good Amelia Bedelia review. This friend of mine has seen me through some ugly shit and always offers to help me out with anything and the fact that I was able to provide his family with a comfortable and nice stay reminds me why working in this industry is awesome.


la la la lobby time · personal · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

On the other side of the desk

Yesterday I was HONORED GUEST of a hotel up in another city. Super dope suite, evening reception and no one calling me “hey you” or “fuck you,” which is apparently my other name.

After the concert we went to last night I ended up down in the lobby watching tv and just generally hanging out with night audit. I taught him how to turn off keys (he’d never heard of this before, that you can lock people out, what?) and then some assholes tried to come in and check in without a reservation without a credit card and tried to argue with him about it.

As any good former Brand Emissary would do I stood up and walked over to the desk while these dudes gave this nice NA shit and NA straight up looked them in the eye and said “You do realize that this is my manager? She’s off duty right now but she’s going to tell you the same thing I just did.”

And I said “That’s correct. Our hotel policy is that you must produce a credit card and an ID to check in. If you require to stay longer than 12 noon today, you will be paying for two nights. If this is unacceptable to you, David will help you find alternate lodging.”

Now mind you, I’d just left a punk show and had my nose ring in and my eyebrow ring in and huge door knocker earrings.

They believed me and VIOLA suddenly had a credit card and my new friend checked them in with no issue.

When they left, we high fived and I went to bed.

la la la lobby time · personal · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

The queen visits another castle

So I worked open yesterday after going to a rather hard core rock show the night before and I have a sprained ankle and busted up elbow from it. (Trust me it was awesome.)

Anyway when I was done with dealing with another 900 “where is breakfast” (I fucking just told you where it was 8 hours ago, its over there in the room that smells like bacon, fuck off) and the crazy bitch who was mad at me for making her read the pet policy, my husband and I drove out to a neighboring community to visit with my parents. The was dealing with so many early check ins. My parents were on the beach already and their room wasn’t ready so my dad put me on the list to be able to park in the lot because the hotel okayed that. My husband drives a large truck so parking is so difficult.

I got out of the elevator and gave him my ID and the story behind why we need to park there and he asked for my plates which I had taken a picture of (it’s not my car, why would I ever remember them?) so I just handed him my phone with the picture of the plates and he looked up at me and it looked like the life returned to him.

“You are smarter than 90% of my guests!” And then he looked like he wished he hadn’t said that and I started laughing.

“Oh you’re sweet. I just got off work at Casa De Pineapple about an hour ago. I get it.”

“Well then! Park here as long as you want. PLEASE come back for the reception tonight! You deserve it.”

They literally have the same shitty fruit water problem we do, you know it, the water cooler in the lobby with some random fruit in it. Their water jug stand IS a pineapple.

Of course I had to stop and fix a pillow in the upstairs lobby that someone knocked over. I’ve got to look out for my fellow Pineapples after all.