personal · Uncategorized

the attempted

Over the weekend someone tried to kill themselves in my hotel. Middle aged lady checked in and gave off weird vibes. I was off work so I didn’t see her.

Apparently she did something that made the cops come and they didn’t take her away. Instead they left her with us.

I was off this weekend but someone tried to kill themselves at my hotel this weekend.

The cops came back to check on her the next night and she had already tried. There was a lot. of. fucking. blood.

She had tried to die. We had to call in the Hazmat team. We had to think in terms of bio emergencies. This woman tried to die in our hotel and we’re thinking about how many bed sheets we have to burn.

When the police came back for her wellness check and found her the paramedics came and as far as I know she’s still alive. She didn’t want to be, but maybe she does now.

I hope.

how do you survive on your own · personal

28 days later

So today I come into work to find my coworker filling out an incident report about the horrible dog parents I haven’t even had time to tell you about when the phone rang and a guest called.

I have never heard anyone sound in more pain or so sick in my life. He wanted to change rooms and I asked why and he said “I seem to have messed the bed and I can’t stay in here. I’m sick. So sick.”

I figure dude has a hangover and maybe threw up in the bed. I find him a room across the hall from where he was staying and offer to bring him the keys. He asks for a few more minutes and he’ll let us know when we could go up.

When I get up there I open the new room first and turn the air on for him. When I’m hungover I like a cold dark room and I figured that’s what I was dealing with. When I knock on his door though I end up looking at someone straight from Night of the Living Dead.

And then there was the smell. I couldn’t tell what smelled worse the poop or the puke but this dude could barely walk. He grabbed the keys from me and said “and just move my stuff”

I felt bad for him so I opened the slider to the room and started moving his stuff while he just went into the room and passed out. I am so glad I grabbed gloves before I went up.

The smell was horrible.

I moved all of his things and asked him several times if he wanted me to call an ambulance or some one else to check on him. He says no.

I run downstairs, almost barf, wash my hands like three times and tell my manager what I saw. So we all go back up and examine the room. Puke all over the bathroom, blood, wet floor, shit in the bed, blood too.

We decide to try to talk to the guest again. Guest won’t answer the door. Guest won’t answer the phone so we used the master key to go back into the room and asked the guest again if he needed anything because now everyone (but me) is more concerned with the linens that are going to the incinerator than the guest. Guest again refuses medical help so we go downstairs to call a few other bosses to find out if we should call the ambulance anyway. This is not before moving two bottles of water to his bedside and uncapping them. We’re not doctors but we’re not monsters.

Our instructions were to check on him later in the day and if he hadn’t improved to call the hospital guest likes it or not. The guest kept saying he just had food poisoning and hey I’ve been sick before so whatever. I refuse medical attention all the time.

Later this evening I was rearranging the bookcase in the lobby when the guest walked in… Right as rain and very very embarrassed and very grateful to me and my co-workers for taking care of him.

“You saw me at my bloody worst and I was horrible to you ordering you around but I felt so awful.” he says

Me: We’ve all been sick sir, its my pleasure to help you out.

Him: I’m so fucking embarrassed you were all so kind.

Me: Sir I’m just glad to see you up and around, I’m just glad you feel better, can I do anything else for you? Do you need anything from the kitchen?

Him: I just really wanted to thank you for genuinely caring about my while I was ill. Really. You were the most kind. I won’t forget this.

I didn’t know what else to say so I gave him directions to the drug store and texted my boss to let him know that our zombie guest was fine.

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

the roof the roof wait no the state is on fire

So my state is on fire. We are outside of the currently burning zone but that can change at any moment. We have evacuees coming in left and right because…. we’re pet friendly.

Anyway the state is on fire and people are walking up or calling me wondering what would happen if they didn’t evacuate and once they realize someone on the other end of the phone cares about them, they calm down and listen to me.

I’m not that big of a bleeding heart but half of my fucking state is on fire and I have a pet friendly hotel list ready to go if we’re too expensive. You better believe I am hustling people into rooms as fast as I can.

Thoughts and Prayers aren’t going to put this fucking fire out but I’ll be damned sure if you have to stay with me because your entire life is on fire? It’s gonna be stress free.

I can’t do much but I can at least try not to put you and your kitty by the ice machine.

people on the phone · personal · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

desk to desk, heart to heart

I am a bad FDA. I forgot to call the desk at the hotel we’re staying at tonight until this morning.

Back story, I have a segmented reservation. I didn’t intend to go to my destination until tomorrow but then I realized I could get a room at my rate tonight to reduce some traveling stress for my husband so we have two reservations.

I called down to 4 star Airport Hotel this morning and got a lovely lady we’ll call Cathy on the phone.

Cathy: Thank You for calling 4 Star Airport Hotel!

Me: Hi Cathy are you the desk at the hotel or central reservations because I am super stupid and forgot to call until today to give a heads up about my reservation.

Cathy cracks up already and assures me she is at the desk in 4 Star Airport Hotel. I have always liked the people at 4 Star Airport Hotels which is why I always stay at them when I travel.

Me: So I have a segmented reservation and I just wanted to let you know we can stay in the same room both nights if its possible, if not move us. We’ll stay in the handicapped room, the one with a view of a wall, next to the elevator, we absolutely don’t care, put us in the broom closet.

By this time Cathy is laughing too hard and then says “Don’t tempt me I’ve always wanted to throw a roll away into the closet and tell people it’s a room.”

And now I’m laughing my ass off and also apologizing for not calling sooner and of course letting her know we won’t be early and that we actually do not care which room we get.

Cathy says quite seriously “No seriously thank you for giving us a call. I see your two reservations here and I’ll do my best not to put you somewhere shitty. OOps. wait I shouldn’t have said that but you sound like one of us.”

Me: I am. And I hope I get to meet you this weekend. Thanks lady.

There you go. A happy tale from the desk.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · personal · sold out! · Uncategorized

okay go home Thursday, you’re drunk

I don’t know what the fuck was in the water today but everyone was more batshit crazy than normal.

I had an over sell on certain rooms but not to worry we fixed that bullshit really quick. But everyone on the phone and almost everyone who came through the lobby was just INSANE.

I made reservations with this one bucket of fucking crazy last night. She’s staying with us on a state rate so she’s already getting hooked the fuck up. We’re supposed to take copies of the ID’s for the state rate. So in this story I’ll be me, my coworker will be Adorable Coworker and Crazy Fucking Tax Lady will be… you get the idea.

Me: Ma’am I need to see your government ID

CFTL: okay here you go.

Me: Great Ma’am so I will now need to make a photo copy of this government issued ID to put on file so you can get the rate.

CFTL: NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO COPY MY ID I WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT.

No shit Sherlock, this is why I need to take a fucking copy of this dog shit. It’s not because I want to go fight the fucking ancient copy machine that hisses and boos at me when I walk past it, much less ask it to do it’s stupid job.

Me: Oh Umm okay…

ACW: Ma’am we actually really do need the copy of your ID.

CTL: NO.

Me: it’s fine. I don’t care anymore. If I get fired, I get fired.

CTL: Well. I can give you a business card.

ACW: It’s not the same thing.

Me: I don’t care. Here are your keys ma’am (and I paraphrase the rest of this) breakfast is over yonder please be eaten by Dr Fuckhead on the way to your room. Have a lovely day you crazy fucking bitch.

Fast forward to about 20 minutes later CTL is back at the desk complaining she doesn’t feel safe in her room. Her original room was literally 3 doors over from the “owners room” like she couldn’t be safer unless she just fucked off and didn’t bother us at all tonight. So we moved her. And then that room had this air conditioner that was too complicated to deal with even though its the same fucking AC we have in every room. So she wanted to move again. Bitch went through like three rooms. She even had my born again FDM pissed off and he was starting to get HEATED and he never does that. She was batshit crazy.

But now for the good stuff of the evening:

-Had a LOVELY COUPLE FROM SWEDEN that enjoyed joking with me. They were just happy to see a happy face. Total sweethearts. I wish there were 99 more rooms full of this couple because even with voucher travel they were a breeze.

-Had a bus come in tonight. It was literally the easiest bus ever. Without going into too much detail, they are part of some reality show / documentary. Their producers checked everyone in and did their own porterage and were just so nice. Like I wanted to help them with shit and they were all “nah just can we decide which rooms are ours?I want to be as far away from these fuckers as possible.” so I handed them all the keys and let them do their thing. They thanked me every time they went by the desk. I was shocked.

-One of my regulars ran into me at lunch and bought my lunch. We shot the shit about the hotel and he said I’m his favorite. It was just good fortune that the only empty seat in the place I was having lunch was next to this guy who I see every Monday and Thursday from here to eternity. He’s cool and such an easy check in. It was really nice of him to buy my lunch.

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

this is the story of a girl, who got a cold (cameo by one of my husbands co-workers)

I’m sick. I literally have my annual cold and there isn’t much I can do about it but take OTC drugs and try not to cry. I’ve already been called in once this week on my day off and our cable is broken, the internet is fucking up all over the place.

But… I had fun speaking French tonight and my French guests who are in general a pain tonight were not. They really had a good time talking to me and said my French wasn’t very bad at all. It wasn’t “Merde!” as I told them it was. So that was nice.

My husband came by to bring me more cold meds at one point which was funny because I checked in one of his coworkers tonight. I’ll be me and he’ll be Coworker Bro. This is half way through the check in…

Me: (noticing the hat the guy is wearing) Do you work for husbands company? My husband works there

CB: I do are you Bert or Ernie’s wife?

Me: Um Neither. I’m married to the *husbands name*

CB: Oh that’s right! We went out to dinner with Bert and Ernie last night. Husband  mentioned you though.

Me: Oh? (as I’m making keys)

CB: Yeah he said you worked somewhere.

I upgraded CB to a nicer room, it wasn’t quite the presidential suite but like we say when we travel on one of our companies dimes… “fuck it”

I hope I feel better tomorrow. I’m useless when my head is this stuffed up.

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

pineapples unite!

So I finally got to see a friend of mine who’s family stayed with us these past few days for a wedding. They were model wedding party guests and seriously if you knew my friend who manages the local bar I hang out at, you’d expect nothing less but despite knowing my friend for over 10 years, I haven’t had the opportunity to meet his out of state family members.

Anyway today is my day off and I got to go in to the bar and say hi to a few people and my friend was coming on shift when I was leaving and apparently the family had nothing but nice things to say about me and by god that makes me feel awesome because when they were checking in, I wasn’t sure that they were related and was already trying to go out of my way for them because they were just so darn nice. But I guess they noticed I was nice too?

I don’t know it’s better than a good Amelia Bedelia review. This friend of mine has seen me through some ugly shit and always offers to help me out with anything and the fact that I was able to provide his family with a comfortable and nice stay reminds me why working in this industry is awesome.