how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · third party bookings · Uncategorized

The Psychoist Psychoshift

So I come in today for a 3-11 and IDK what the fuck had been going on all morning but everyone already seemed like they were in a shitty mood. Then I realize it’s that time of the month…. no not mine, time to turn in tax exempt forms for guests we don’t charge whatever tax it is to. And all the forms were fucked up, including one of mine because someone filed it instead of leaving it in the folio because the guest was still in house.

But immediately the first guests I had were jerks. I gave them a room and went through all the usual shit and they were like “Oh this no good! We demand 3rd floor. We demand 3rd floor this morning on the phone and they told us we have 3rd floor.”

Which is of course why they were pre-assigned a 2nd floor room. Because notes in the profile for these guests had no mention of this stupid 3rd floor room. I look in the system and what the fuck do you know even though it’s already check in we have a LARGE number of dirty rooms still. What the fuck housekeeping?

So I call housekeeping and they just hadn’t finished inspecting rooms yet. I look on the tape chart and see this room in the main building that is their room type and took off upstairs with my key and yep this fucking room is clean just not in the system yet. So I haul ass back down three flights of stairs and make these people new keys. Do I get a thank you? No. Just “Good.”

Cultural differences maybe? Fuck if I know. Not a good start to my day.

Anyway after that one of my bosses who’s been on vacation started in on tax forms and personal accountability and just the same shit she always says but it’s disheartening. Like no one ever says hey good way to handle that, and this comes into play in the rest of my shit show day. I’m looking at the numbers we have available and begging them to close off online reservations. When we have five rooms and people are constantly trying to move and I can’t keep up… like we’re gonna sell those rooms, relax, just take us off the internet for a few minutes so I can figure this shit out and throw the phone that won’t shut the fuck up out into the street and hope a large truck rolls over it.

And right as I’m saying this, my boss brings me a Hotel Tonight reservation.

Housekeeping leaves and we still have rooms marked as dirty. A tv breaks. Another cable box breaks. Another one.

In the middle of all this shit we get the “you guys are all managers and shouldn’t be asking me for my opinion on everything every minute” from the back office.

Okay great. Watch what happens when I do.

Hotel Tonight guy comes in. We’d blocked him into an HK because sorry when you book through Hotel Tonight we get to choose where you go. We don’t hate you or anything because its a relatively easy service to deal with on both ends. Those are just hard rooms to sell, so you get to reserve them for fuck all. And I go to check him in…. suddenly we have zero HK rooms.

Wait. What? We have no rooms. Except a deluxe room which I promise you we wouldn’t have sold to a walk up tonight and I am not going through walking a HT guest. Nope, too many people here, too much shit, not doing it.

If you’re curious, a Hotel Tonight reservation only works at the hotel you made it at. So if the hotel suddenly can’t house you? We get to find someone who can and then call the company and get you a new ghost card. This can take up to an hour sometimes. Bleh. Nope.

So I gave the guy the room. Single business traveler, he’ll be gone by 7am most likely. You know the guy, computer bag, small rolling luggage, wants a beer and to go to bed.

So I explain to HT guy what’s going on and he’s so Unicorny nice, he fucking tipped me five bucks for checking him in and making sure we had a room for him.

“I would have slept in the broom closet! Thank you!”

Awesome so my boss comes back from whatever she was doing and I said again “Seriously we need to close these rooms out, we have no more rooms.”

Boss starts getting heated because I hadn’t marked all the rooms clean yet and I said HK never said they were all clean and then she was like why didn’t I look at the housekeeping report? Ummm because it’s usually not in the drawer up front and we had all these rooms put back in order that were out of order, but guess who they forgot to tell?

So then I get “Communication is key! You need to communicate better.”

COMMUNICATE FUCKING WHAT? The rooms that EVERYONE kept taking out of order and not telling me or that they were back? That the rooms were all clean and no one fucking told me and I was running around afternoon to check because…. deep breath.

A few minutes later my boss comes out and says “oh I think HK did tell me the rooms were all clean, I guess I forgot to tell you.”

Enter the Parents From Hell. Parents from Hell joined us last night and the Dad is completely chill but his wife is so not. I can’t tell if her accent (very very very, how many more verys can I add here SHRILL British Accent) is what is making me flinch or just that she just asked so many questions. Any way they have two rooms and one is for their adult daughter. Wait for it, these rooms were reserved through Expedia of course. And they asked me if we could put them near each other when they checked in yesterday. I said sure but these room types, we don’t have any that close together. (This is important) I can put you on the same floor though. Okay cool off they go.

The Parents From Hell, who have been coming down and bossing me around about their daughter’s reservation over and over ask me if they can have a key to put some groceries into her room which one of my coworkers had thoughtfully switched someone out if so they could be across the hall from each other. I say sure because it’s actually their name on the reservation anyway, and they paid for it.

Phone rings and it’s the Parents From Hell calling from their daughter’s room and the mom is LIVID. I could hear her through the phone as my co-worker talked to her.


CO- Ma’am on your reservation it says 1 king and you signed the registration card.

Mom- That’s NOT going to be okay. My daughter needs a room with two queen beds.

CO- Ma’m we’re practically sold out and I am unsure if I can get that for you if want to remain in the same building as your daughter.


(no she didn’t. My other coworker trying to be nice even gave the daughter a nicer room. But hey how the hell was I supposed to know they’d moved her to a new room after I’d changed it for them in the first place? Oh right I’m a fortune teller and I know all…)

CO- She’s going to have to be on the other side of the building or take the other room you were just in.


CO- okay.

When the Dad came down he was all apologies of his wife’s behavior and thanked us for whatever the fuck we did by moving the daughter to a room with two beds.

Dad- “Don’t worry. And thank you, I don’t want to listen to this shit for the rest of my trip”

There was so much other shit I can’t even remember but it was literally the dumbest day. Many guests barking one word questions, wanting directions over and over including the girls who I checked in for their business trip and one was actually too dumb to differientiate the CITY MAP from the hotel map.

I’ll be me, she’ll be DG

DG”Gosh this hotel is really big” She says pointing at the city map.”Where are our rooms on this map”

Me: They’re over here where I circled on the HOTEL map

DG: but where are they on this map? Gosh this place is just so big.

Me: See this dot? This is THE HOTEL. The rest of this map is the entire city. Your rooms are inside this dot I drew to show you where the hotel is. On this map of the hotel your rooms are here.

DG: gosh but

Her friend finally came up and rescued me.

Tomorrow is my actual Friday and 8 hours stands between me and me visiting another property, All hail other hotel, you get to take care of me this weekend.

I forgot to mention I checked in our owners tonight. Guess who didn’t know who the fuck they were and asked for their credit card and id’s and was on the phone and three different computers trying to find this guest we did have to walk a place to stay?

I’m getting fired.

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