how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · sold out! · Uncategorized

please go home now

So Casa De Pineapple has four rooms full of people who just will not fucking leave. They extend a day at a time and it’s getting on my last fucking nerve.

The first two rooms aren’t that bad. It’s 2X1 and 2X2 and they are a mother and son staying across from each other. I think they’ve been with us for about a week. Son is the one doing all the talking. Mom kind of looks like an over tanned skeleton and they’re here from out of state and I can’t figure out why they keep extending especially because our rates jump a hundred dollars tonight. They don’t ask for discounts. They don’t want cookies. I haven’t seen them at evening happy hour. They’re just taking up rooms and walking through the lobby a lot. It also doesn’t seem like they brought a lot of clothes with them. They’re not from a hurricane state so I can’t figure it out. Whatever.

Across the hotel is the crazy fucking bitch in 3XX. She refuses to come down to breakfast and instead every day about 10 minutes before it’s over, she calls down to the desk asking us to make her two plates because “she so tired” (not a typo this is how she says it) and eventually either one of us will take it up to her or she materializes from her cave to pick it up. She says she and her husband need to stay with us because they are waiting for an apartment to open up. But then she calls the next FDA and tells them another date. Their bill has to be over a grand by now. And people are complaining about a smell coming from their room. The husband has to wear adult diapers so I imagine that’s what the smell is. He’s not dead or anything because he finally came down to the desk the other day when we explained to them that we have a sold out weekend ahead of us and they needed to leave today. Since I’m 3-11 today I’m hoping this check out is all done by the time i get in.

And finally we have Mr Chatty in 2XX. They are honestly one week away from being tourist tax exempt. They’ve been with us since mid August and extend day by day and I seriously need them to leave. Mr Chatty and his aunt are staying in a one room handicapped room. No idea how the sleeping arrangements are going up there but I don’t care. Their cats (TWO OF THEM) tore up our ottoman in the room. I don’t even know where the cats are shitting. I assume they have a litter box up there. Guy is nice enough but he’s quite often drunkish or jacked up on something or on pills. He leaves his trunk to his car or his aunt’s car open all the time. She’s also wearing diapers. He smokes so he’s going in and out all the time and always trying to buy the desk stuff from the store or the fast food place across the street, which is nice and all but he then just stands there talking to us even if we refuse a gift. He gave me and another co-worker some yogurt the other day even after we refused it.

But the cherry on top of the eccentric sundae was the other night. One of our regulars I guess alerted NA to a BODY in the back outdoor hallway where Dr Fuckhead is known to roam. NA goes out there and finds Mr Chatty laying on the ground… with his pants off. His junk out.

NA snaps a picture because he thinks he just found a dead body. Mr Chatty’s pants were folded over the fence and upon closer inspection he realizes Mr Chatty is just passed out and snoring. NA rouses the pantsless guest and hands him is pants and tells him to go to bed. His room mind you with the cats and the aunt in diapers is clear on the other side of the hotel. Guest gets up and seems to start putting his pants on and so NA just goes over to lock up some public space that hadn’t been locked yet. Something tells NA to go back through to make sure Mr Chatty had gone to his room… nope back asleep on the ground.

You’d think my GM would have us evict all these lunatics, but no even though the pants thing and the poop smell thing happened on Tuesday they were extended until today. Please god let us get rid of these people today, before I get there. We’re going to be slammed enough without naked guests and crazy old ladies who think we do room service.

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