how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · sold out! · Uncategorized

things I wish I could say part 2

Just the greatest hits from my facebook page over the last few days:

Lady just came in to check in to the hotel and was chewing some food and just threw her credit card at me and stared at me. What? Do you have a reservation? Do you want a room? What planet are you visiting from?

“how many rooms do you have?” We have 99 rooms… “so give me one” but you see all 99 rooms have people in them already…. that’s what I meant when I said we were sold out. *head desk*

“Why is the lobby bathroom out of order?”
Because one of you geniuses broke it.
“Why are there so many taxes on my bill? Are these for real?”
No I just made them all up to mess with you. Bye bye have a good day.

“Where is the breakfast?”
“Across the driveway and to the left.”
Repeat this interaction 99 times and you have an accurate picture of my morning. Happy Sunday.

Other greatest hits include “Can I have a late check out?” (No. Go home.)

“I want a discount my neighbor is showering” (No. Go home.)

“I can’t turn on the air conditioner.” (Try pushing the on switch, it works wonders.)

“Can I park here?” (No that is the absolute fucking middle of driveway you can not park there for two hours while you glare at us for your room not being ready four hours before CHECK -OUT. Go home.)

“This was too expensive, how am I supposed to get home?” (I don’t care, but go there, please I’m begging you to go to your homes and never leave again since your first outing into the world seems to have been so stressful for me you.

“Where is the Starbucks?” (Still across the street where I’ve told you it was every single day for the last three days. You’ve come back from there with Starbucks. It’s still over there. Like look see my Starbucks cup? I’ve just come from there and the same Starbucks I’ve sent you to for three fucking days is still operational.)

“Where is BIG FUCKING TOURIST ATTRACTION?” (I drew you a map yesterday and printed you directions and you’re holding an iPad and an iPhone and I helped you book your tour. It’s still exactly where I said literally five hours ago.)

“Where is the airport? I flew here, you know?” (Umm… that place you got out of a metal tube with the purest of intentions to drive me nuts? That’s the airport. You’ve just come from there. You don’t have a car, just order a car and have someone take you there, who cares where it is?)

Tomorrow is my Friday. Thank the lord.


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