how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · the brotherhood of the keys

this is monday

It’s Monday right? It’s Thursday for me but the rest of the world thinks it’s Monday so I should just be getting bus loads of Europeans (check!) Business travelers (check!) and some random old retired people with very specific needs (check!)

Nope. Not only did I get that I got two VERY SPECIAL guests joining me this evening.

First is Country Music SnowFlake. This woman drove over from another state to see a very big country artist who played here like last week. She didn’t really make plans and had been camping in her car (what?) for a couple of nights and wanted to get a room. She didn’t believe me that the Country SnowFlakeButthole room was the best that I could do but her sob story of what prompted this solo road trip was compelling and she really is a high tier Snowflake so I gave her a huge upgrade to what basically is our owners favorite room and charged her for a regular room. And then listened to her tell me about how her husband left her for a man and she just kept. talking.

I finally got her to go to her room after telling her all the ways we could help her stay a second night etc because all this sleeping in her car was getting expensive and I also wanted her to stop telling me about her personal life and asking me about mine and let me get back to work.

5 minutes before I left she called and complained to my coworker that she hated that room and wanted to move. You have to be kidding me. I even gave her late check out! And listened to her blah blah blah about her sad life for at least 20 minutes.

I honestly do feel bad for her because she seems like she’s having a manic episode and has gone batshit crazy but really all I’m here to do is sell rooms.

Second special guest comes with a supporting cast.

Earlier in the evening there were two older gentlemen checking in and here and there I caught that they were looking for someone and kept asking me if I had seen this “friend” of theirs who would have a small dog with him. I hadn’t. These people kept going in and out of the lobby and one of them came and asked me if I had a phone charger they could borrow and I said sure and lent them mine (it’s pink, I’m sure I’ll get it back) and talking about “clues” and “leads” as to where this friend of theirs was. As the night wore on it became clear they were looking for a family member to either put into rehab or they were turning him into the police for something.

The gentleman using my charger said he still needed it so I told him he could just drop it off at the desk when he checked out, I had more at home, it wasn’t a big deal. So they asked me to look up a couple of really shitty hotels in town to find out how far away they were etc. The last one was a real shithole but I gave them directions.

Suddenly a cab shows up and it’s this “friend” they were looking for. He comes barreling straight for me. Dude is spun the fuck out on something and is carrying the cutest dog I’ve ever seen in one hand and a bag of dog food in the other one.

SpunDude: HI WE’RE REALLY HUNGRY (he’s waving the dog around) AND I HAVE TO PAY THAT LADY IN THE CAB BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO TAKE SOMEONE ELSESOMEWHERE AND I NEED TO KNOW WHERE ROOM 2XX IS!

Me: Um hello sir. Room 2XX is actually sitting right over there.

The man who had been waiting gets up and comes over and tries to calm SpunDude and takes off with him (and my phone charger) to pay the taxi and go to their room.

About 5-10 minutes later our phone rings and it’s Bob from the ShitBox Hotel I looked up earlier for these older gentleman who were waiting for SpunDude.

Bob: So just so you know there is a former guest of mine that I put in a cab to go to room 2XX at your hotel.

Me: Yeah I know he just got here, he’s with his family now I think.

Bob: Umm he’s into some serious shit with the Pineapple County Sheriffs. They came looking for him and are on the way to your place now.

Me: Oh dang. I mean I know what room he’s in but I haven’t heard a peep from them since I sent them upstairs.

Bob: Well I haven’t gone to see the room he was staying in here yet because I was just trying to get him out of here but I figured I’d give you a heads up. If he did damage anything, I’ll let you know and if he damages anything at your place can you have your boss email my boss or something. Dude is into some really bad shit.

Me: Sure man, no worries, have a good night.

When I left for the night there were four Pineapple City PD cars all surrounding another car in the parking lot next door to us. I don’t know if it had anything to do with SpunDude but it definitely wasn’t a normal Monday night at Casa De Pineapple.

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