how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · people on the phone · personal · sold out! · Uncategorized

please close your mouth

Hotels are like a giant toilet line. If someone is using the toilet, you can’t have it. And I am sure as hell not going to go bother someone taking a shit so you can take a shit before they are done taking a shit

My response to someone on reddit implying we lie or negotiate early check ins.

Honestly go take a small walk off an even smaller pier.

If I have 99 rooms full of 99 people who want to use their room for the entirety of the time they paid for, that means I have 99 rooms full of people who would like to leave at noon.

You can not decide that those people need to evacuate their room before noon. If I tell you we were sold out the night before, guess what, we we re fucking sold out the night before and you’ll have to wait until 3 for your room. Sorry. It’s in the email we sent you that you didn’t read just like you won’t read the breakfast hours and pay attention to anything I showed you on the map because I’m making words that apparently you don’t understand.

Hotels don’t have a giant flush nozzle. I can’t do anything about the guest before you. They’ll  leave when they leave. If that’s 9am or next fucking Tuesday that’s when they’re leaving.

Also the measure of how full my parking lot  is? Yeah nothing to do with the people in my rooms.

HOTELS AREN’T PRISONS. People check in and they go do all sorts of things. How do I know? Because I tell them how the fuck to get there and what they’re going to eat and what sort wonderful fun shit they can see for free and they get in their cars and go do this shit. Or they go the fuck to work. It’s crazy how many business travelers there are. We don’t lock someone in the room. So if my parking lot is empty its because my guests are off having fun and doing shit that brought them to my city and prompted them to pay for a hotel room. Shut up we’re sold out, we don’t lie about this shit.

I can’t give you a discount or magic beans because you made your reservation from the parking lot without calling and think you should get an upgrade because we don’t look busy. It’s the middle of the day Richard, people are doing fun shit, you’re here early and we’re sold the fuck out. You’ll take this handicapped room and you’ll stay prisoner in there for the rest of your trip.

I open all week. Please someone kill me.




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