how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · sold out! · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

happy birthday America aka WHAT IN THE ACTUAL EFF?

I knew today was going to be kind of a shit show. 4th of July is a neighboring town’s BIG DAMN DEAL and they have the most expensive fireworks show I’ve ever seen. But I wasn’t prepared for what I walked into at all….

We had a guest who checked in last night and after getting into their room wanted to extend, which no big deal except their card didn’t authorize for the second night and there was a note to get the guest to come down and provide payment for the room for the second night.

On top of a declining credit card, we also had a couple of complaints about them smoking in the room. Smoking pot to be exact.

So we sent the head housekeeper up after check out time to see if they were going to bring the card down. When they opened the door a CLOUD of smoke came out and it turned out there were about 7 people in a room with 2Q beds. And the woman who was the one on the check in started cursing out the housekeeper from the toilet…. Hmmm okay.

5 seconds later she’s calling down to the desk asking how to stay another night and being nice as pie about it to me so I tell her to just come down to the desk and present a new card and we’ll extend them no problem but we needed to talk about the smoking accusation.

When Americas Next Top Meth Head Model appeared I knew this shit was shady. She had that Meth look and started immediately talking about how she doesn’t smoke. She only smokes cigarettes (what?) and she had a baby in the room (what? the reservation was for 1 adult?) and my housekeeper was mean.

I restated I just needed an ID and a credit card from her and she started the song and dance about how it was in her room and really she had the money.

My GM was in the house and she’s super nice and gives people breaks all the time and was going to give this broad a break. It’s what we do I guess… So we’re giving a girl with two declining cards a chance to come up with the money for a second night and an auth to cover the smoking charge AND we even said we wouldn’t charge the smoking charge if it didn’t smell like smoke tomorrow. And she then sinned so hard that I literally almost died.

She looked me in the face and told me she worked at a Very Big Brand. I worked for that brand long enough to catch someone in a lie but this was an over the top lie.

I know for a fact VERY BIG BRANDS do not allow HUGE FUCKING NECK TATTOOS. I wear a scarf at Casa De Pineapple and miiiiiight be able to get away with it but seriously you can not work in a VBB with a neck tattoo.. Strike 1.

Strike 2… girl your shit is too broke to pay for your room. If you’re an employee of a VBB where the employee rate is fucking 69 dollars, why in the fuck am I even talking to you about the 400 and some change you need to pony up? Like I don’t know… if you’re really a VBB worker, it’d take four seconds to make a reservation as an employee and your total for two nights would be less than you currently owe us.

I mentioned it casually asking her which VBB it was and asking why she didn’t stay at the one here.

ANM: Well uhh I have a dog so…you know

So now we’re up to two declined credit cards, serious pot smell, maybe seven people in the room and an undeclared dog that you guessed it we didn’t have the pet fee for.

Oh and she’s a liar.

We gave her a few minutes still to get the money. Finally she came down and started to ask if she just left if we’d charge her for the extra night and the smoking charge. I would have, but my GM didn’t.

I’m sorry, but my ass that she’s an employee and doesn’t know how a fucking hotel works, and my entire ass that she didn’t smoke in that room and seriously, just go.

It wasn’t even check in time yet. What the fuck?

I am officially on vacation until Sunday. If my phone rings, it’s going in a lake.

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