My shift ended tonight just to skip to the end before I start, with my husband forgetting to pick me up so I decided to stop off and hang out with a friend of mine who works up the road and some fucking asshole just spilled half a beer on my keys, my brand new jacket and half my uniform. I have beer in my underwear and after the night I’ve had you’ll understand why this is just the shit on top of shit toast with a shit cherry on top.
My AGM quit yesterday. My FDM quit today. We are completely sold out. Like we’re sold out until at least Tuesday and the phone keeps fucking ringing and… okay deep breath Lady you got this…
But no. I don’t. It’s the psycho shift which is already a fucking disaster area on a good night. For those of you playing the home game we currently have 1/3 of our rooms being held up by a federal government agency who likes to just throw fucking rifles and machine guns on our counter while they’re dealing with the fact that these people who are heavily armed keep turning off their own room keys and are too arrogant to not listen to us when we say STOP PUTTING YOUR FUCKING STUPID ROOM KEY NEXT TO YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE AND PLEASE STOP PUTTING LOADED FUCKING WEAPONS ON MY COUNTER.
Being as it is a university open house clusterfuck weekend we have worse than Special Snowflakes in house we have unreasonable My Kid Is Going To College OMG WTF I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT PARENT ON THE PLANET SNOWFLAKES in the house.
The Uni drops by with the shuttle schedule for tomorrow and nine thousand million people swarm my desk for information they’ve already been given and then ask me for direction to the shuttle stop you can see from the front desk. Like if I told you the landmark we use to identify that stop you’d die. It’s not even remotely close to being able to be missed. It’s also right across the street. Also this shuttle is provided by the university, not the hotel. It could NEVER show up and it wouldn’t be our fault.
Every. Single. Parent. has already received this information and a map of the town and a map of the campus. How do I know this? My sister went to the same fucking school and as I was the adult over here in this city, I went with her to a fair number of her orientation events. I know what parents are provided. Anyone who says they are not are fucking lying or just forgot their shit at home.
So I have a line 4-5 people deep and am ALONE on an over sold night from 7pm on. I walked back in from picking up my dinner down the block that even though I called it in I still had to wait extra because all these VIP guests are in town and my partner was off.
Like literally our town has quadrupled in size this weekend. Everything is a mad house.
Phone is screeching with people trying to get in and rooms calling wanting shit I don’t have.
Door breaks. Another door breaks. I am reprogramming all the doors. The spa breaks but I can’t be buggered to go get it. All the expedia reservations are wrong. Fuck my life.
All the magic beans reservations are wrong. The government officials are eating all of the parents weekend goodies. We are out of coffee. We are out of everything.
I am the only person there, did I mention that? Did I mention we’re out of roll aways? Did I mention someone forgot to set up the fucking rollers in several rooms? Did I mention we’re out of blankets? Did I mention I’m alone?
I’m not proud of it but I straight hung up on a few people tonight. I’ll make it up by firing myself if need be but I am only one human being and this is a shit show and I am alone and I cried in the elevator when the woman I fucking did a huge favor to fucking called me YELLING because I forgot her extra blanket when she called me with 10 people in front of me in line. I had none in the back office which is NEXT FUCKING DOOR TO HER ROOM and had to go downstairs but I couldn’t because 10 people deep with a phone I actually took off the hook for 15 minutes to check people in. Bitch, good luck with my managers tomorrow. If they fire me because you want a discount I completely do not give a fuck.
Motherfuck my checklist. Motherfuck my chores. I locked the pool 3 hours after I was supposed to. Motherfuck giving a fuck about tomorrows reservations. I didn’t even have time to write down everything that went wrong.
All I said was multiple guests have management only issues. They will complain. It will be busy. If we are to be as busy tomorrow night, leaving New Girl without cover would not be okay however I will be out of town and unavailable to assist. Call someone else, I will see you on Sunday.
Fuck all of the things, shove all of the things in an uncomfortable place. Fire me, light me on fire, let one of our government agents shoot me, whatever. I’m not covering, I am not going back until Sunday and at this point I don’t care if something happens I will throw my phone in the lake if it rings.
I am 100% fried. I cried in the elevator. I cried in the hallway. I am only one fucking person.
I am done ranting. By Sunday I will have a thicker skin. By Sunday I will be ready to face this shit again but tonight as I sit in this puddle of beer in my uniform pants that some Sweetheart spilled on me. Fuck this.