how do you survive on your own · sold out! · Uncategorized

how to drive me crazy in 3 easy steps

So on my daily perusal of the reviews which helps me decide if today is the day I just nope the fuck out of this business (spoiler alert, ain’t ever gonna happen, hospitality 4 lyfe bitchez )I found three gems that stood out as to why they gave us shitty reviews.

1-Someone was forced to stay on the second floor. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. No one held a gun to your head and asked you to choose to stay in our building. Have rooming conditions been strapped? Absolutely and they’re just about to fucking get worse. Welcome to the busy season. You want to “pick” your room or floor or whatever the fuck? Don’t show up at 9pm or midnight. Shit at this time of the year if you show up after 6pm your room has been fucking assigned so we can be sure YOU ACTUALLY GET A ROOM as all the EXHotMotelOnABoatTonight.GoFUckYourselves.Com reservations we’ve been getting AFTER we’ve sold out (seriously 3rd party reservations can go die in a very large fire) keep shoving on through even though we don’t have anywhere to put them. We’re oversold by like 7 rooms some nights in this next month. Show the fuck up before 6 if you can and you’ll get to choose your room, stumble in at 10 and you’re staying wherever the fuck we put you. Be happy you get a damned room at all.

2-Our pool area isn’t as nice as the breakfast area. What in the fuck does that even mean? We have a pool and spa. Both are heated. Our SWIMMING POOL IS FUCKING 75 DEGREES AT ALL TIMES. You can go swimming when it’s snowing if it actually snowed here. We have a couple of tables with umbrellas and chairs and hella loungers out there. Fresh towels. It’s goddamned 100% nicer than some of our other properties I’ve visited. And how the fuck do you even compare a pool area to a breakfast area? Like that’s like saying the couch could have been as nice as the complimentary bicycle I received. WHAT THE FUCK? They’re for entirely different purposes you bloody walnut.

3-Breakfast needs to be upgraded. Look here Snowflake, if you really stay with our brand all over the goddamned world, you eat the same fucking shit in our tier of our brand. We have more free shit than other spots with the bagels and oatmeal. It’s a brand issued bit of food that we have to serve. It is the same in every location. You should know that after all, you only stay with our brand and have 10000000 million points. I know this because I personally went on vacation to another city and stayed at our brand and wouldn’t you fucking know it, they were serving the same goddamned thing we do EXCEPT we give you MORE OPTIONS. Here’s your soy milk, your Greek yogurt, your fucking three kinds of hot sauce, three kinds of fruit and locally produced muffins / toast etc and non watered down juices on top of brand standard hot food items. Fuck off. It’s fucking free. So sorry that you felt the need to go spend 40 dollars on breakfast or whatever. Seriously we’re not sorry. The same shit we serve is being served in Big City over here and Big City over there if you stay in our tier of the brand. Please exit stage left.

I’m starting to wonder when I started giving a fuck what these people think. And then I calm myself by reminding myself that these people DON’T think and I feel better.


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