how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized · weddings can eat a bag of whatever is handy

why I hate wedding parties.

Just got off the “how bad are we fucking up” website and someone is raging about a “downgrade” they requested.

Let me explain. We had two weddings in house that weekend and of course that means people want into their rooms early to change for the wedding…

Two things when you’re traveling for a wedding, seriously this is going to help you out…

1-If you insist on having a suite, fuck it, go whole hog and book for the night before you need to be there. Stay three days. Many locations only have X amount of these rooms. They’re not going to be cleaned first  because someone just as “entitled” as you are will request a fucking late check out or just not want to give up their suite 5 hours before check in so you can get in there. Real talk no other hotel guest gives a fuck about what time you want your room. They’ll leave when they leave.

2-DON’T REQUEST A “DOWNGRADE” WHEN YOUR IDIOT ASS ALREADY PAID FOR THE ROOM THROUGH A THIRD FUCKING PARTY WEBSITE. I CAN’T GIVE YOU A GODDAMNED REFUND OR PRICE ADJUSTMENT IF YOU FUCKING PAID UPFRONT ON A FUCKING NON REFUNDABLE THIRD PARTY RESERVATION, SUCK A BAG OF WHATEVER ITEMS ARE HANDY. Seriously PAY FUCKING ATTENTION WHEN YOU’RE MAKING A RESERVATION.

Don’t come storming into a hotel and expect us to give you a room to get ready in because you’re going to a fucking wedding. I don’t care if you’re going to the President’s house or the Pope’s house, if you room isn’t ready because you didn’t make reservations in the way that the wedding party most likely suggested you do. If you have to be at a wedding at fucking noon, come in the night before. I have to go to a funeral this week and I’ll be either getting ready in a gas station or my car because I have to work at until Night Audit comes in tomorrow night but you’d better believe my ass isn’t arrogant enough to believe my room will be ready on a Friday before fucking three.

People are so rude. I’m so over the reviews and I don’t know why I read them. I know which rooms have gaps in the door that let light in, we’re fucking fixing them. I know which rooms aren’t the most pleasant noise wise. I know. You probably wouldn’t be in any of those rooms if we weren’t sold the fuck out from here till eternity or if you weren’t an obnoxious dickhole garbage person when you checked in.

Don’t earn yourself the asshole room guys. Plan appropriately for your trips and just stop waiting until you leave to report your problems. The front desk manager or myself or anyone else didn’t lie to you that they thought your reservation could be adjusted because you bitched your way into someone else’s room by wanting to check in early. Whom ever lied to you probably didn’t notice you were booked through a third party and also probably thought you’d just be grateful for an early check in. Suck our collective random assortment of genitals.

tl:dr- I hate wedding parties.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

the one about the keys

Let me start this with I worked a day shift today and worked over time because we are overbooked and understaffed at the moment so they asked me to stay late to help out my partner. Didn’t want to, didn’t feel like it but a I never leave a partner deep in the weeds.

Anyway I had a two ladies come up to me because their keys weren’t working. Guest will be BF for BitchFace and I’ll be me.

BF: My Keys aren’t working and this IS THE SECOND FUCKING TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE GOT HERE.

Me: Well Ma’am I’d be happy to..

BF: The SECOND FUCKING TIME AND I DIDN’T HAVE THEM NEAR MY GODDAMNED CELL PHONE EITHER SO DON’T EVEN START WITH THAT.

Me: Well if you’ll tell me what room you’re in, I’d be happy to..

BF: THE SECOND TIME!

Me: Yes ma’am I understood that the FIRST time you told me and the subsequent other times as well but I can’t remake your key if you don’t show me an ID or tell me what room you’re in.

BF: This is outrageous.

yes ma’am it is outrageous that I am not clairvoyant and don’t just automatically know which room you’re in or even what your name is because I’ve never seen you in my life, this is an outrage and I deserve to be screamed at like this over a minor easily fixed issue that could be corrected if you’d just answer my question. Outrageous.

Me: Okay here’s your new key, have a nice day.

Of course the daughter goes stomping outside and the elderly mom goes back to their room only to find their new keys do not work. We have recently received a batch of Brand Name Keys that all seem to not want to hold the programming. I get it, it’s annoying to have to walk five more feet to come back and ask me to fix them but when I’ve programmed the keys once and they don’t work, I generally throw them aside and charge up a new set, which is what I did when the mom came back to tell me the keys weren’t working again. I also, because the mom was elderly and her bitch face daughter was out doing whatever it is that bridge trolls do when they’re not screaming at me, walked the mom back to her room and made sure the keys worked because if it didn’t I was going to deduce it was the door malfunctioning and not the keys.

I apologized to the mom profusely of course and after I made a whole other set of keys and tried the lock myself, tadaa the door worked.

BitchFace Mc See You Next Tuesday comes storming back in, I assume because her mother now had all the functioning keys and is livid to have to come back in the front door. I’m sorry you’re lazy and couldn’t get in the back door because I didn’t want your mom standing around in the hallway while we waited for you to get back from trollville.

BF: THESE DON’T FUCKING WORK EITHER.

Me:Well yes ma’am I rekeyed your entire reservation and your mother has both keys and is waiting for you in her room with your new keys. I walked her back there myself and tried the door these keys work perfectly fine, I tried them myself.

BF: WHATEVER.

And then this sewer monster threw her fucking keys at me. Not the counter. She straight pitched it at me and stomped off and hopefully fell down the elevator shaft.

If it were a night shift and I was alone I would have evicted her right then. But it wasn’t and day shift has to get permission from the managers and they were all locked up in a meeting and honestly I didn’t want to throw some little old lady traveling with her trashbag daughter out of the hotel so I just said “Enjoy your stay” and waved at her. I hope I didn’t set a wake up call for her at 3am….

spoiler alert, I didn’t but it would have made me laugh

la la la lobby time · personal · Uncategorized

the german doctor

Last night even though we were busy as hell I had time to hang out with a couple of guests and chat. They were a German couple and while my German isn’t great I know a few words here and there. But their English was perfect anyway.

The German doctor was seriously interested in what it was my husband got his masters in. He was also delighted to know that the cat who doesn’t  really live with us shared his first name. He insists that we now call the cat Dr Cat’s Name. He was quite honored to know my stray cat has his name.

The German couple was so cute. I wish all my guests were this nice and fun to talk to.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time

seriously use your words

We got another shit show rating last night because we don’t have microwaves in all the rooms and there was a group of kids in the way of the communal one

I think I know who this guy was and if I’m right, he’s a scrooge I almost bounced for just being generally rude the other night.

We don’t keep microwaves in the room. You literally can just call down to the desk and fucking ask us about it. Much like your horrid rollaway beds we will bring one for you. I’ll even plug it in while you stare at my ass as I know you do especially when you don’t fucking tip me for lugging this 20 pound contraption up to your room so you’re not put off by having to walk past fucking high school kids to reheat a thing. I don’t care about your self entitled ass. Shut the fuck up.

Those kids who are irritating you and probably irritating me at the same time are still fucking guests of MY hotel.

Do you run this shit?

No.

You would fucking cry in the first ten minutes. Get the fuck out of here.

You are clearly on the misconception we allow kids to stay with us en mass for free. Fuck off. Someone pays for their stay. Does it matter who pays for it? They sometimes pay more than you did, you expdedia/travelweb/hotelsifuckingdontcaretonight.com asshole.

Someone is paying the bill and these kids are guests.

I’m sorry that they offended you by being there and you had to walk past them and I’m sorry god didn’t give you the sense of a coconut to just ask my fucking front desk without leaving your room. We take care of people. You feel entitled enough to complain about other guests in the hotel because of their age, perhaps you feel entitled enough to actually ask us to do our jobs.

Just motherfucking call. It’s not hard. Don’t shoot us to hell for something without asking us to fix it prior. Like just ask. Is there a fucking microwave in my room? OR I DONT KNOW FUCKING ASK WHEN YOU BOOK THE RESERVATION.

I work swing tomorrow and I will have a good day. There will be nothing that can stand in the way of me going back to work and treating every guest like they are the most important person on the planet.

Because they are.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · the brotherhood of the keys · Uncategorized

PsychoShift Part 3 (so bad it’s wolfcop bad)

100% sold out again. Every goddamned hotel in town aside from the shitboxes  are sold out. There are like 3 things going on at the Very Important University and the weather finally stopped being awful and oh I don’t know it’s Saturday.

This happened every 10 minutes-

Phone call: Hi there wanted to see if you have any rooms available tonight?

Me: I regret to inform you we are 100% sold out, but I can point you to a couple of our friends who still have rooms (they’re not partners or anything, just places I know have rooms from my call around and if the GenderlessPersonHood of the Keys does anything, its house my guests when I can’t)

Phone Call: but are you sure you’re sold out?

Me: Yes (person) I am absolutely sure.

Phone Call: But why?

Why am I sure? Because I’m looking at the screen that tells we don’t have any rooms. Why are we sold out? Because our fucking infinite room closet broke and 100 people reserved the rooms you’re trying to stay in and paid out the asshole for them. Who gives a shit why? The answer to your question is we don’t have any fucking rooms.

Expedia/Hotelstonight/Priceline/Suckafuck.com continues to annoy by fucking up two reservations for two guests who showed up making same day reservations. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with these third party websites but the dates are always fucked up or the exact tax isn’t right. Doesn’t matter had to send them both to somewhere else. It doesn’t even matter that I can’t adjust their third party reservations because unless they want to sleep at the pool in a chaise lounge I have nowhere the fuck to put you.

Had to do more rollaways today. I hate those things with a passion. People going through coffee like oxygen. And the rudest woman in the world on the phone making a reservation for a wedding and she she was still awful after I discounted her and kept asking me over and over if the rooms are clean because that’s a “pet peeve.”

No valued guest, we charge 309.99 per night the weekend you’re coming and we’re going to actually pay a hobo to fuck it up first before we put you in there.

But…

I had several people tell me I’m the nicest person they’ve ever met. I was also told by both the people that I had to re-home that I  was 100% perfect at customer service. Got a 2 dollar tip for taking someone floss. Used it to tip my pizza delivery person.

Came home. Didn’t cry. Have tomorrow off. If anyone needs me I’ll be asleep.

how do you survive on your own · la la la lobby time · Uncategorized

friday night on the psychoshift

 

We’re at 96% capacity between a comedy fest going on in town and it’s some kind of college bullshit this weekend. And walk ins, so many fucking walk ins.

But the guy I worked with tonight is super good and burned through most of my checklist for me before I even got there, so I let him go early. All that was left to do on the PsychoShift basically was lock the pool and tend to the 40+ check ins we still had.

Also awesome coworker and I swapped shifts tomorrow so I’m on PsychoShift again tomorrow night but at least I have time to get some sleep and have more than 8 hours off of work before I have to go back.

After my coworker leaves the phone continues to ring steadily almost all night. So many walk ins. The new thing they’re doing is straight up turning around and just walking out when I give them the rate. Cool fuck you too, at least say thank you that I looked it up.

Housekeeping used to make up the pull out beds for the guests in the suites. Apparently that’s not a thing anymore because I made up three suites couch beds tonight.

One of my visitors from abroad broke my ice machine grate. No idea how that happened. I fixed it and was actually curious why he needed so much ice. Just didn’t ask though.

Had an older gent stumble in asking to use our phone. I thought he was a guest. Nope, just some older guy needing to call his wife and his cell phone wasn’t working. He as it turned out wasn’t even staying with us. Whatever, he couldn’t find a payphone.

NA, I love him but he’s late every night and tonight he was late enough that I was still waiting on guests long after I was supposed to clock out.

The woman who had me put a rollaway in late last night came back and this time she wasn’t crying so that made everything go a little smoother. Now she says her whomever was staying on the rollaway left but another family member is moving into the room and god I seriously don’t care, bring a fucking service giraffe in at this point. I’m late clocking out and my husband has been pretending to read USA today in the lobby for a hot minute. After I tell her its fine that she can switch guests in the room she then tells me, “well we need fresh sheets for the roll away bed and it needs to be remade.”

NA swoops in then and says “Well can I help you with that?” And the lady said “Well MobBoss already said she’d do it and…”

I don’t know if that’s cos NA is a dude because really she’s traveling with her husband but whatever, your wish is my command the Hotel Cartel, let me help. So I told NA I’d do i and after I climbed out of the linen closet with all the things that are needed to make up a fucking rollaway (curse these things to the sun and back) the lady says “It’s okay MobBoss, I can make the cot up myself, I didn’t realize how late it was already, I’m sorry.”

What?

So I let her make her own rollaway up and noped the fuck out of there. With my luck lately the rollaway will roll into someone else’s room or out the window because I didn’t do it myself.

Uncategorized

As a guest, these are the best and worst cheap hotels I’ve ever stayed at

Best by far was this weird place my former roommate and I found in some city near a state’s capital. It was sort of run down but holy shit it was cheap. I’m talking 40 dollars a night cheap and the double queen room we stayed in was insanely huge. Like we had a living room and a kitchen along with two beds and a big tv. It was awesome if you didn’t mind fashionable 1970’s decor and a shower that wasn’t quite up to scale. We paid the five dollars to make phone calls and basically plugged my computer in and dialed up our internet providers “traveling number” and left it plugged in and on, on my computer. We swam in the pool and a guy came out from the office and told us we couldn’t drink beer in the pool. We offered to get up and pour them out and he was hilarious, and trust me I understand a lot more now, he said “No don’t waste beer, just don’t open any more out here.” 10/10 would stay in this place with the hookers and crackheads who didn’t break into my car again.

Worst:

There are two. The first was in a Bay Area City Somewhere. It was owned by some insane maniac who was obsessed with if we were smoking or not. We weren’t. He already had yelled at me like three times before we even went into the room. The room next to us was smoking weed at maximum volume. Whatever. The room was basically the size of my bedroom now. It sucked. I went out to the parking lot which also sucked, and in my car with the windows rolled up lit a cigarette that I was going to enjoy (I’ve long since quit again) on the way to buy some ice and the front desk crazy came out screaming at me about smoking. I didn’t smoke in the room, didn’t even have the windows open on my car and this dude is banging on my window while I’m trying to back up to go buy ice because they didn’t have an ice machine. Nope. Never again.

Second one was in a city that has a large theme park involving a mouse. It USED to be a major brand hotel and was still being represented on Exkyaktravelwebs as a major brand. Thought it was kind of weird that it was so cheap but what the fuck, we’re traveling. We get there at 9pm and didn’t have a lot of time to look around because we were going to a concert. We did notice however that there wasn’t any toilet paper in the bathroom and asked on our way out for some to be brought up while we were gone. When we got back at 1am, no toilet paper. Totally understand how this could happen but that’s a fair amount of time to run up to someone’s room. I had to go down to the desk two more times to actually get us toilet paper so we could use the bathroom. This is when we found out also there was no hot water in our room. No one working thought this was an emergency. They said it would be working in the morning. Assuming that meant someone would call someone we went to sleep. We got up in the morning and decided to go use the spa. It’s freezing cold. It’s broken, no out of order sign. Okay, well fuck we’ll just take a shower and go shopping before the second concert we were going to. Nope. Still no hot water. No apologies either, just a very flat “yeah the water heater is out. No discounts.”

I very politely asked that our room at least be made up. If I’m taking showers in an ice bucket I at least want some fresh towels. Our room never got made up. I don’t think the hot water worked the entire time we were there. Never again budget fake brand name hotel. My employee rate at least lets me know I’m getting a shower. And towels. And toilet paper.