This is from my personal notes from a few weeks ago…
So this is the third night straight we’ve been sold out. It’s also Pyscho Shift, meaning I work late during a very locally busy night anyway on top of a convention in town.
Last nights highlights included explaining we were sold out to special snowflakes with zero travel plans who were just passing through, the man who swore up and down he made a reservation for a two queen when either he didn’t or expedia fucked it up. Don’t care, we don’t have a two queen, figure it out. We literally have no rooms at all.
But the best were the couple who came in and wanted to walk in. We had no rooms. Like seriously I can let you sleep on the lobby couch but we have zero zilch no fucking rooms.
Instead of thanking me for my time or screaming at me like the one guy did, they decided I should play travel agent. Normally this wouldn’t bother me but we were sold the fuck out and the phones from the rooms or people calling wouldn’t stop screaming at me because we’re sold out, so I didn’t have time but I put on my best smile and asked them what they required.
Clueless Not Guest: Well if we could stay here, how much would the room be?
Me: (interally screaming. soul leaving my body) 179.00 plus tax
CNG: That’s too much. Where do you recommend that’s cheaoer?
Me:(mentally stabbing myself) Well CNG I have a number of hotels on my sheet here that I do know what their rates and occupancy was as of an hour ago I’d be glad to share that information with you so you can call them.
CNG: No our English isn’t very good (they were Russian, but their English was perfect) you call, we get too confused.
Me: Okay well Other Brand Name Hotel down the street has a bigger property than us and has x room available at x price but actually you get two complimentary meals while staying there, shall I call them?
CNG: No, too expensive.
Me: Well our friends next door at Independent Brand Name hotel have a much lower rate of x dollars and I think my friend MrCuteFrontDeskGuy is working, I can probably get you my discount there (spoiler alert he just gives everyone AAA) would you like me to call over there?
CNG: No I read bad review of that place, I don’t want to go there.
Me: (Silently thinking thoughts of the endless void I wished to be in at the moment) Well I did work at another property on the street and I know the manager is on duty this evening I’m sure I can negotiate you a rate you’d like there if they have rooms available, shall I call The Hotel Cortez?
CNG: No I don’t like the name of it (this place is not really called the hotel cortez, duh)
Me: (About to cry) There is a hotel two blocks away from us that I wouldn’t recommend at all but they have a lot of rooms and free popcorn in the lobby. My coworker over there (I gesture at my partner at the desk) worked there and says its fantastic and I am calling them.
For clarity the property down the street? They charge as much as any of the other places I mentioned but they have twice as many room as most of us so sometimes they’ll help me out.
CNG starts to protest but I pick up the phone and sure enough they have room at the FreePopCornInn and are more than happy to help me out by charging these guests 89 dollars for their room. Mr FreePopCorn says “So by take care of them you don’t mean kill them just get them out of your lobby?”
The Brotherhood of the Keys… man it works.