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the sad ballad of graduation weekend

I work in a college town and towards this time of the year is when we get all the parents calling us that seemed to forget their child goes to a REALLY BIG UNIVERSITY and that maybe if this kid is graduating this year, they should drop by their hotel of choice and make a reservation while they’re dropping their kids off in August. Because this weekend is usually sold the fuck out by September 1st.  One lady called the other night and I swear she was getting drunk while calling me because she called back three times and each time got even more ridiculous.

1st Call: Me: Thank you for calling The Hotel, this is the MobBoss, how can I help you?

Wine Drunk Mom: Do you have any rooms for the weekend of THIS GIGANTIC GRADUATION CEREMONY THAT TAKES FOUR HOURS TO COMPLETE WEEKEND THAT I’VE KNOWN ABOUT FOR OVER A YEAR? (I paraphrase)

Me: No ma’am as much as I regret telling you this, we have been sold out since the start of the year.

DWM: This is January

Me: Ma’am forgive me I meant the start of the school year. But I’d be happy to put you on a waiting list for any cancellations.

DWM: Okay (gives me her info)

Call two (one hour later)

DWM: Has anyone cancelled yet?

Me: No Ma’am but I did add you to our waiting list in the even this happens.

DWM: Can you at least tell me what the price would be? My husband is a special snowflake and that means you have to give me a room.

Me: Ma’am while I’d be happy to give you a room normally, this property only has 100 rooms and 100 people have already reserved these rooms at this time.

DWM: Okay thank you.

3rd call (about another hour later, by now it’s 10 pm and this woman sounds sauced.)

DWM: Any cancellations yet MobBoss?

Me: No ma’am there hasn’t been, but I assure you, you’re at the top of the list in the event that happens.

DWM: But if I put down my deposit now and pay for the rooms in a week you have to give me a room.

Me: Ma’am with all due respect I can’t take a deposit on something we don’t have.

DWM: Can you tell me how much your two queen rooms would be then?

Me: Well Ma’am if we had those rooms, which we don’t at this point a 2Q would be 499.99 (true) plus tax.

DWM: Per night?

Me: Ma’am yes we have a two night minimum for Graduation weekend.

DWM: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IM SUPPOSED TO AFFORD 6 ROOMS AT THAT FUCKING RIDICULOUS RATE? (I do not paraphrase here, she actually said that to me)

Me: Well Ma’am in all fairness we don’t have one room available at that price let alone six so I’m sorry we won’t be able to accomodate you this year. I will have someone notify you if any rooms become available.

DWM: THAT’S FUCKING RIDICULOUS, THAT’S ROBBERY.

Me: Thank you for calling, have a nice evening.

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